And don’t forget to check out these and .
1. “Everybody loves me—babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.” – Mike Sorrentino
2. “My only rule—never fall in love at the Jersey Shore.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
3. “I was born and raised a Guido. It’s just a lifestyle, it’s being Italian, it’s representing family, friends, tanning, gel, everything.” – Paul DelVecchio
4. “Face down, *ss up, that’s the way I like to have a good time.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
5. “You are the worst argument person ever!” – Mike Sorrentino
6. “Lose f*ck*ng 5 or 10 pounds and we can talk.” – Mike Sorrentino
7. “I’m the sweetest b*tch you’ll ever meet.” – Samantha Giancola
8. “I mean, you can hate on me all you want, but what can you possibly say to somebody who looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off?” – Mike Sorrentino
9. “If you don’t know me, then you hate me, and you wish you were me.” – Jenni Farley
10. “How do you go in a f*ck*ng jacuzzi with a thong and a bra? Wear a thong bikini—that’s a little bit more classier if you’re gonna wear anything at all, ya know what I mean?” – Angelina Pivarnick
11. “I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on ’cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the Guido handbook.” – Mike Sorrentino
12. “Mike can be a nice guy, like, he shows his good side then he shows his jerk off side. That’s what I like; a good guy and a jerk off, it’s all in the same.” – Nicole Pollizi
13. “You have to remember that reality shows capture your worst moments.” – Nicole Pollizi
14. “If that b*tch still plays laser tag, she’s too young for you, bro.” – Paul DelVecchio
15. “You gotta stay ‘fresh to death,’ I call it. Fresh outfit, fresh haircut, fresh tan. Just stay fresh.” – Paul DelVecchio
Related:
16. “It sucks, but no Long Islands or margaritas when you drink. It has to be straight vodka.” – Nicole Pollizi
17. “There’s no way I’m going to Jersey without my hair gel, can’t leave without my gel.” – Paul Delvecchio
18. “I am like a praying mantis—after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.” – Jenni Farley
19. “The only person I’ve had sex with on Jersey Shore is my boyfriend.” – Nicole Pollizi
20. “I don’t follow trends. I set my own and I go for the extreme.” – Jenni Farley
21. “I have a bad habit of playing little emotional games with men. When they date me, it’s cool in the beginning, we do our thing in the first month, and then I send them on a rollercoaster ride to hell.” – Jenni Farley
22. “If you’re not a Guido, then you can get the f*ck outta my face.” – Samantha Giancola
23. “I think the statue of David is pretty sexy. I’d do him.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
24. “I told Pauly D to start the grill and he puts charcoal in a gas grill, then he asks me to light it and we were this close to pretty much blowing up the house.” – Mike Sorrentino
25. “I’m not good with time. Like, if I ask you the time and you say, ‘A quarter to two,’ I wouldn’t know. Why can’t you just say 2:30?” – Nicole Polizzi
26. “I’m not trying to fall in love on the Jersey Shore. I’m just trying to hook up.” – Paul DelVecchio
27. “Tall, completely jacked, st*r**ds, like multiple growth hormones. That’s, like, the type that I’m attracted to.” – Jenni Farley
28. “Let’s just get wastey-pants.” – Nicole Polizzi
29. “Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but I’m from the Jersey Shore.” – Jenni Farley
30. “My abs are so ripped up, it’s called, ‘The Situation.’” – Mike Sorrentino
31. “When you’re tanner, you feel hotter and sexier. You should try it.” – Nicole Polizzi
32. “I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan.” – Nicole Polizzi
33. “G.T.L., baby! Gym, tan, laundry!” – Mike Sorrentino
34. “I’m tanorexic, bro.” – Paul DelVecchio
35. “Hot guys, come here! I’m single, dance with me!” – Samantha Giancola
36. “It’s hard for people to see you one way, but you’re really the other way, so it’s kind of like, ‘Who am I, who are you?’ Sometimes, I confuse even myself.” – Nicole Polizzi
37. “Is there a moon in this country?” – Nicole Polizzi
38. “My hair didn’t even move an inch and I was in and out of the water. My hair’s windproof, waterproof, soccerproof, motorcycle proof. I’m not sure if my hair’s bulletproof, I’m not willin’ to try that.” – Paul DelVecchio
39. “This is the biggest night of my entire life and everybody’s career rides on my DJ set.” – Paul DelVecchio
40. “I yanked some b*tch’s hair for you.” – Samantha Giancola
41. “She starts charging at me like a f*ck*ng hippo.” – Nicole Polizzi
42. “JWoww and her boobies are going to Italy.” – Jenni Farley
43. “He has a girlfriend? Really? He kissed my p*ss* last night so—.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
44. “I look like a piece of sausage next to these meatballs. I’m gonna stand in the middle so it looks like a big dick.” – Paul DelVecchio
45. “If Deena’s boobies could talk they’d say, ‘I’m a good time, I’m a blast in a bra!'” – Paul DelVecchio
46. “It’s obvious that Sammi has a crush on me and that’s obvious. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.” – Mike Sorrentino
47. “You never really see me acting a fool on TV.” – Vinny Guadagnino
48. “Down here at the Shore, one minute you’ve got three girls in the Jacuzzi, the next minute somebody’s in jail and you have to bail them out. That’s what happens down at the Shore.” – Mike Sorrentino
49. “I’m trying to build an empire, because after this, I cannot get a normal job.” – Nicole Polizzi
50. “The girls I bring home don’t wear underwear.” – Nicole Polizzi
51. “I’ve been a nun—a Catholic nun.” – Jenni Farley
52. “A walking holiday? What does that mean? Are you gonna give out candy? Like I don’t get it.” – Samantha Giancola
53. “I don’t eat friggin’ lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.” – Nicole Polizzi
54. “I am the pimp daddy Mac on this whole place.” – Paul DelVecchio
55. “The toilet is clogged because I live with farm animals.” – Vinny Guadagnino
56. “You better send roses to the house, you feel me? Roses, dawg. With pickles in them—fried pickles!” – Paul DelVecchio
57. “Maybe my t*t fat got a little smaller but these f*ck*rs are like 700 CC’s and they’re gonna stay 700 CC’s.” – Jenni Farley
58. “Vinny is my dude. We’re like the meatballs except we’re not the meatballs.” – Paul DelVecchio
59. “People should go to school at a bar.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
60. “This woman is not a grenade, this woman is an atomic bomb.” – Paul DelVecchio
61. “I like to be with my boyfriend at all times. Do you get that?” – Samantha Giancola
62. “Yes, I had sex. Like, hello, you’re gonna have sex if you’re into somebody. It’s natural.” – Samantha Giancola
63. “Its T-shirt timeee!” – Paul DelVecchio
64. “Before Jersey Shore, I was a DJ struggling to promote, deejaying six nights a week and hustling to pack clubs.” – Paul DelVecchio
65. “You don’t come in here on Sunday with a big banana and expect everything to be peaches.” – Paul DelVecchio
66. “Keep on drinking.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
67. “Where’s the beach?” – Nicole Pollizi
68. “When my kids asked me, ‘Where have you worked?’ I’d say ‘B*tch, I’ve made pizza in Florence.'” – Jenni Farley
69. “As my stomach feels like it’s gonna explode, I don’t stop eating. It makes me realize what a gluttonous piece of sh*t I am.” – Vinny Guadagnino
70. “I’m out of gel—Justin Bieber eat your heart out.” – Paul DelVecchio
71. “Whatever, I forgot to put my underwears on.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
72. “My heart is racing and I smell like King Kong’s *ssh*l*.” – Nicole Polizzi
73. “You need sucky things in life to make you stronger.” – Vinny Guadagnino
74. “Have a coffee then it will flow out your b*tth*l* like a freakin’ rainstorm.” – Paul DelVecchio
75. “Same sh*t, different toilet.” – Vinny Guadagnino
76. “Being called ‘Angelina’ is like one of the worst things you could ever be called.” – Paul DelVecchio
77. “This is probably the best accomplishment I’ve had in a long time—to kick the sh*t out of Jenni.” – Samantha Giancola
78. “From now on, you’re excluded from surf and turf night. You’re excluded from ravioli night. You’re excluded from cutlet night.” – Mike Sorrentino
79. “I thought she was gonna be hot. I’m all taken aback.” – Samantha Giancola
80. “How does it feel, Jenni, to have the crap beat out of you by me? I’m basking in it right now.” – Samantha Giancola
81.”You don’t even look Italian.” – Samantha Giancola
82. “Funny how people become p*ss**s all of the sudden.” – Angelina Pivarnick
83. “Yo, shut your mouth, you dirty little hamster.” – Mike Sorrentino
84. “You should know about trashy, baby. You’re from Staten Island!” – Deena Nicole Cortese
85. “She looks like ‘The Crow.’” – Jenni Farley
86. “Oh my God, b*tch. You’re such a wh*r*.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
87. “If you leave, I’m going to stuff your f*ck*ng nose with tampons.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
88. “Jenni’s t*ts definitely defy gravity. I think Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni’s t*ts.” – Mike Sorrentino
89. “I actually named his p*n*s, ‘Moby Dick.’” – Paul DelVecchio
90. “You know what I think it is? Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyebrows would.” – Paul DelVecchio
91. “I’m still pretty, b*tch.” – Nicole Pollizi
92. “Watch me ‘cause I’m going to f*ck*n’ sh*t on you harder than you ever sh*t on me.” – Samantha Giancola
93. “If you look up ‘too much swag’ in the dictionary, there’ll be a great big picture of my face.” – Paul DelVecchio
94. “Step out of it! F*ck*ng hit me.” – Jenni Farley
95. “No one touches my clams. I’ll cut your fingers off.” – Paul DelVecchio
96. “Do you want to get beat up by an Israeli chick?” – Paul DelVecchio
97. “I’ll put you in a fire, you b*tch.” – Mike Sorrentino
98. “Cry all you want, your tears don’t mean sh*t to me.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
99. “I don’t care if you talk sh*t about me. Talk sh*t about me all you want, but if you talk about my girls, my boyfriend or my family, that’s when I’m going to f*ck you up.” – Nicole Polizzi
100. “I look like a hot, drunk . Batter up, b*tch*s!” – Nicole Polizzi
101. “You better grab your girl tight when I’m around, ’cause I know she’s grillin’ me.” – Mike Sorrentino
102. “Well, stop caring and f*ck me, man!” – Mike Sorrentino
103. “I’m sorry I punched you in the face.” – Vinny Guadagnino
104. “I don’t give a f*ck. You had my sloppy seconds. Good for you and obviously you’re a loosey goose because he got it in.” – Nicole Polizzi
105. “She was like, ‘Oh hey, Nicole. I’m going to help you cook some tacos.’ Like a f*ck*ng sarcastic b*tch.” – Nicole Pollizi
106. “My vagina’s killing me.” – Nicole Polizzi
107. “I’m taking his sperm and making babies out of it.” – Samantha Giancola
108. “My nipples won’t stay in my shirt.” – Nicole Polizzi
109. “Have sex with an old man, steal a plant, get arrested, and then do whatever.” – Paul DelVecchio
110. “If you guys want me to go downstairs for make-up sex, let me know.” – Samantha Giancola
111. “Every guy has a dream of having a threesome with two women, obviously.” – Nicole Polizzi
112. “I need a mind condom.” – Nicole Polizzi
113. “Oh, my vagina’s out.” – Nicole Polizzi
114. “I am not f*ck*ng any of my roommates, therefore I should not be cleaning up after their sh*t.” – Mike Sorrentino
115. “I want the Guidettes to c*m in their pants when they hear my music.” – Paul DelVecchio
116. “If these girls want to have a threesome with you, that’s not an issue.” – Paul DelVecchio
117. “I’m in Miami. I don’t want girls studying for finals. I want girls studying for dick.” – Vinny Guadagnino
118. “I’m a wh*r*? Hello. I made-out with Pauly, made-out with Mike and tried to have sex with Vinny. So—whatever.” – Nicole Polizzi
119. “Yo she’s so big, dog. She broke the bed, dog.” – Mike Sorrentino
120. “This kid is in love. JWoww’s p*ss* must be rainbows and pots of treasure.” – Ronnie Ortiz-Magro
121. “Um, hello?” – Angelina Pivarnick
122. “Yeah, buddy.” – Paul DelVecchio
123. “You stalked my whole life on the boardwalk.” – Paul DelVecchio
124. “You should know the truth.” – Nicole Polizzi and Jenni Farley
125. “Party’s here.” – Nicole Polizzi
126. “I need a f*ck*ng hot guy right now.” – Samantha Giancola
127. “You shouldn’t have to change for any man, you find a man who will accept you.” – Jenni Farley
128. “Dude, you’re going to get all the girls!” – Paul DelVecchio
129. “I’m surrounded by couples every day, it’s so annoying.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
130. “Shut the f*ck up because, who are you?” – Nicole Polizzi
131. “One, two, three, four—I declare a prank war.” – Paul DelVecchio
132. “I’ll f*ck*ng pound you, b*tch.” – Samantha Giancola
133. “Say no to hoes.” – Vinny Guadagnino
134. “I never thought somebody would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist but Deena takes the cake.” – Mike Sorrentino
135. “You like the boobs?” – Deena Nicole Cortese
136. “I have a feeling wh*r*b*g will be here next.” – Samantha Giancola
137. “I don’t have time for stupid bimbos.” – Samantha Giancola
138. “I’m like a hamster in heat.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
139. “It’s like guido bingo.” – Vinny Guadagnino
140. “Let’s do it!” – Mike Sorrentino
141. “Pure evidence of treachery I’ve just seen.” – Vinny Guadagnino
142. “Dominican girls are hot because they can dance, they can move, they got tans, big butts, and nice full lips.” – Nicole Polizzi
143. “They’re talking about f*ck*ng relationships, my sneakers are dirty.” – Paul DelVecchio
144. “I thought you were just being drunk and stupid.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
145. “If this relationship continues, I’ll kill myself.” – Mike Sorrentino
146. “Vin thinks he’s a man now that he got his ears pierced.” – Nicole Polizzi
147. “Somebody marshmallowed the house.” – Nicole Polizzi
148. “Hell has to be just like this.” – Nicole Polizzi
149. “They have defied the law of intelligence.” – Deena Nicole Cortese
