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80 Ralph Wiggum Quotes on His Hilarious Worldview

3. “Lisa’s bad dancing makes my feet sad.”

4. “I was done before we came in.”

5. “Lies are like stars, they always come out. I have five face holes.”

6. “And I want a bike and a monkey and a friend for the monkey.”

7. “Hi, Lisa! Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers, I’m learneding.”

8. “That’s where I saw the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.”

9. “I wet my arm pants.”

10. “I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant!”

11. “If Mommy’s purse didn’t belong in the microwave, why did it fit?”

12. “Oopsie! I feel a breeze on my bum-bum!”

13. “Mr. Kitty-cat, take me to your leader, Garfield.”

14. “Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.”

15. “Dear Miss Hoover, you have Lyme disease. We miss you. Kevin is biting me. Come back soon. Here’s a drawing of a spirokeet. Love, Ralph.”

16. “All my friends have birthdays this year!”

17. “I’m Idaho!”

18. “Plant it and you’ll grow a new Ralph.”

19. “I cheated wrong. I copied the Lisa name and used the Ralph answers.”

20. “Will you cook my dinner for me? My parents aren’t around and I’m not allowed to turn on the stove.”

21. “Clouds are God’s sneezes!”

22. “Wheeee―ow, I bit my tongue.”

23. “I’m a furniture!”

24. “He’s still funny, but not ha-ha funny.”

25. “I dress myself.”

26. “The doctor said I wouldn’t have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there.”

27. “And when the doctor said I didn’t have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.”

28. “Wheee! I’m a flying saucer! Zoom!”

29. “I wanna go back inside, Mommy.”

30. “Oh boy, sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!”

31. “Was President Lincoln okay?”

32. “Does that mean you’re crazy?”

33. “Why do people run away from me?”

34. “My cat’s name is Mittens.”

35. “The rat symbolizes obviousness!”

36. “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.”

37. “Do alligators alligate?”

38. “Um, Miss Hoover? There’s a dog in the vents.”

39. “Look, Big Daddy. It’s Regular Daddy.”

40. “My parents won’t let me use scissors.”

41. “My Daddy’s gonna put you in jail.”

42. “Let’s be friends. It says ‘bee,’ and there’s a picture of a bee on it!”

43. “I’m embarrassed for you.”

44. “I caught a white apple.”

45. “I ate all my caps―ow!”

46. “My knob tastes funny.”

47. “I ate too much plastic candy.”

48. “He’s gonna smell like hot dogs.”

49. “Can you open my milk, Mommy?”

50. “This snowflake tastes like fish sticks.”

51. “Look, Daddy, a whale egg!”

52. “I ate the blue ones―they taste like burning.”

53. “Look, Daddy, ‘Officer Puppy likes donuts too!’ Mmmm. Chocolatey!”

54. “I drink blue juice from under the sink!”

55. “Wait, mister. You’re drinking a candle. You don’t want wax in your mouth, do you?”

56. “You have the bestest dad. He read me a story about Chinese food.”

57. “Daddy, I’m scared. Too scared to wet my pants.”

58. “Sir, I got carsick in your office.”

59. “This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end.”

60. “I found a moon rock in my nose!”

61. “Bushes are nice ’cause they don’t have prickers. Unless they do. This one did. Ouch!”

62. “That’s me because I swim with my flotuses on.”

63. “When I grow up, I wanna be a principal or a caterpillar.”

64. “My Grandma had hair like that when she went to sleep in her forever box.”

65. “Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulders.”

66. “I’m wearing a bathrobe, and I’m not even sick.”

67. “When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University.”

68. “And the doctor told me that both my eyes were lazy, and that’s why it was the best summer ever.”

69. “In 50 years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.”

70. “Fireworks make my ears yell!”

71. “ had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party and I was invited. Yay! My turn is over!”

72. “Candles taste like burning.”

73. “Your eyes need diapers.”

74. “I’m in danger.”

75. “I’m a unitard.”

76. “I’m a Star Wars.”

77. “My face is on fire.”

78. “I bent my wookie.”

79. “Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!”

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