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1. “A wrong decision is better than indecision.” – Tony Soprano

2. “Sometimes it’s important to give people the illusion of being in control.” – Tony Soprano

3. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” – Tony Soprano

4. “Those who want respect give respect.” – Tony Soprano

5. “You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?” – Tony Soprano

6. “If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.” – Tony Soprano

7. “Well, when you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce.” – Tony Soprano

8. “I haven’t been able to tell anybody this. I’m f*ck*n’ relieved.” – Tony Soprano

9. “There’s nothing more useless than a loaded gun.” – Tony Soprano

10. “I like people who don’t need everyone to like them.” – Tony Soprano

11. “Someday soon, you’re gonna have families of your own and if you’re lucky, you’ll remember the little moments like this, that were good.” – Tony Soprano

12. “I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are gonna let you down. Family. They’re the only ones you can depend on.” – Tony Soprano

13. “This isn’t painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This—isn’t painful. It’s empty. Dead.” – Tony Soprano

14. “The things I take pleasure in, I can’t do.” – Tony Soprano

15. “We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell. It’s war. Soldiers kill other soldiers. We’re in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you’ve got to do certain things. It’s business.” – Tony Soprano

16. “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler?” – Tony Soprano

17. “It’s almost time for turkey sandwiches!” – Tony Soprano

18. “I went ahead and ordered some for the table.” – Tony Soprano

19. “Bad for the grass! Bad for the grass!” – Tony Soprano

20. “It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.” – Tony Soprano

21. “We buried him—on a hill—overlooking a river, with pine cones all around.” – Tony Soprano

22. “You bottomed out.” – Tony Soprano

23. “Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody’s gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type.” – Tony Soprano

24. “My father was in it. My was in it. Maybe, I was too lazy to think for myself.” – Tony Soprano

25. “What constitutes a fidget?” – Tony Soprano

26. “Nostradamus and Notre Dame. It’s two different things completely.” – Tony Soprano

27. “He’s gonna leave the house. On a piece of plywood if necessary, but he’s gonna leave the house.” – Tony Soprano

28. “Sacre bleu, where is me mama?” – Tony Soprano

29. “You should try tomato sauce for your *ss—it’s the Italian version.” – Tony Soprano

30. “A grown man made a wager. He lost. He made another one—he lost again. End of story.” – Tony Soprano

31. “This is gonna sound stupid, but I saw at one point that our mothers are—bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See, they’re the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep tryin’ to get back on the bus, instead of just lettin’ it go.” – Tony Soprano

32. ” All due respect, you got no idea what it’s like to be number one. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end, you’re completely alone with it all.” – Tony Soprano

33. “Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I’m feeling. I tell you how I’m feeling, and now you’re going to torture me with it.” – Tony Soprano

34. “I find I have to be the sad clown; laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.” – Tony Soprano

35. “You’re only religious when it suits you.” – Tony Soprano

36. “You’re alright, baby.” – Tony Soprano

37. “I didn’t hurt nobody.” – Tony Soprano

38. “The only reason I did this is because , and I love you. If it were anybody else, they would’ve gotten that intervention through the back of their f*ck*ng head.” – Tony Soprano

39. “‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.” – Tony Soprano

40. “What kind of person can I be, where his own mother wants him dead?” – Tony Soprano

41. “You know when I was depressed I said I didn’t want to live? Well, I’ll tell you something—I didn’t want to die.” – Tony Soprano

42. “Each day is a gift.” – Tony Soprano

43. “I got the world by the balls and I can’t stop feeling like a miserable prick.” – Tony Soprano

44. “You go about and pity yourself.” – Tony Soprano

45. “It wasn’t like it was friggin’ Cobain! It was just a little suicidal gesture, that’s all.” – Tony Soprano

46. “Buy land, ’cause God ain’t making any more of it.” – Tony Soprano

47. “I think it’s time for you to start to seriously consider salads.” – Tony Soprano

48. “I wipe my *ss with your feelings!” – Tony Soprano

49. “What’s your background, Noel?” – Tony Soprano

50. “Why don’t you have a f*ck*ng drink, will you? Because you’re driving everybody crazy with this sh*t!” – Tony Soprano

51. “They say every day’s a gift. But, why does it have to be a pair of socks?” – Tony Soprano

52. Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “What line of work are you in?”

Tony Soprano: “Waste management consultant.”

53. “There’s an old Italian saying; you f*ck up once, you lose two teeth.” – Tony Soprano

54. “Log off. That ‘cookies’ sh*t makes me nervous.” – Tony Soprano

55. “I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to sh*t.” – Tony Soprano

56. “Hey, I don’t even let anyone wag their finger in my face.” – Tony Soprano

57. “You know where I was yesterday when you called? I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the sh*t out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap.” – Tony Soprano

58. “What the f*ck’s the matter with you?” – Tony Soprano

59. Tony Soprano: “It’s like taking a sh*t.”

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “Okay. I actually like to think about it as a childbirth.”

60. “Is everyone in my life f*ck*n’ bananas?” – Tony Soprano

61. “What do you want from me? My only son’s a couch potato.” – Tony Soprano

62. Carmela Soprano: “What if something should happen?”

Tony Soprano: “You dig out my blue suit, you call up old man Coletti, and tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.”

63. “Take your hat off.” – Tony Soprano

64. “That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See, what they didn’t know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings that they wouldn’t be able to shut him up! And then it’s dysfunction this, and dysfunction that, and dysfunction vaffancul!” – Tony Soprano

65. “I think maybe you shouldn’t do that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie.” – Tony Soprano 

66. “The belt was his favorite child development tool.” – Tony Soprano

67. Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “How’d that make you feel?”

Tony Soprano: “Wished it was me in there.”

68. “Why don’t you kick me in the f*ck*n’ head?” – Tony Soprano

69. “You want more responsibility? Start by controlling your wife.” – Tony Soprano

70. “Look, maybe I am wrong, but you have really changed since the old man died. First, Lorraine Caluzzo. Then you sink this idiot’s boat. This is not the John I knew.” – Tony Soprano

71. “I’m not running a popularity contest.” – Tony Soprano

72. “Sil, break it down for ’em. What two businesses have traditionally been recession-proof since time immemorial?” – Tony Soprano

73. “I called you here, ’cause I got something to tell you. From now on, I’m gonna rely on you more and more, ’cause you’re the only one I can fully trust. Sil and Paulie—they’re old friends, but you’re one thing they’re not.” – Tony Soprano

74. “You know, Tony, it’s a multiple-choice thing with you. ‘Cause I can’t tell if you’re old-fashioned, you’re paranoid, or just a f*ck*ng *ssh*le.” – Carmela Soprano

75. “My father told me to never get old. I should have listened to him.” – Junior Soprano

76. “Look at you at girls soccer, Tony.” – Carmela Soprano

77. “Daughters are better at taking care of their mothers than sons.” – Livia Soprano

78. “I wish the Lord would take me now.” – Livia Soprano 

79. “Keep thinking you know everything. Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually think they’re leading.” – Junior Soprano 

80. Livia Soprano: “It’s not easy being abandoned, is it?”

Junior Soprano: “Look to yourself.”

81. “What the hell would we have in common? Bunions? You know how I feel about feet.” – Junior Soprano

82. “Water, water, water! I’m livin’ next door to Gunga Din!” – Livia Soprano

83. “Only if I’m picked up and brought back home. I don’t drive when they’re predicting rain.” – Livia Soprano

84. “The state can crush the individual. And if we can have our rights trampled like that, imagine what it’s like for recent arrivals.” – Meadow Soprano

85. “Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. Some things are just a matter of duty.” – Junior Soprano

86. “Psychology doesn’t address the soul—that’s something else—but, this is a start.” – Carmela Soprano

87. “Janice, how do you open this Eee-Advil? Oh, nevah mind.” – Livia Soprano

88. “Sometimes, we’re all hypocrites.” – Meadow Soprano

89. “Hi, my name is J.T., I’m an alcoholic and an addict. I’m also a TV writer, which by default makes me a douchebag.” – J.T Dolan

90. “You ever feel like nothin’ good was ever gonna happen to you?” – Christopher Moltisanti

91. “She’s so fat, she goes campin’, the bears have to hide their food.” – Paulie Gualtieri

92. “Cancer don’t respect nothing.” – Furio Giunta

93. “Don’t ever say you hate life. That’s blasphemy.” – Jason Cahill

94. “Oh, look at that! It’s like an ad for a weight loss center. Before, and way before!” – Paulie Gualtieri

95. “In my thoughts, I used a technique of positive visualization. How come I always feel undermined?” – Christopher Moltisanti

96. “Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti

97. “Genetic predispositions are only that—predispositions. It’s not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

98. “People only see what you allow them to see.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

99. “More is lost by indecision than by wrong decision.” – Carmela Soprano


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