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1. “A wrong decision is better than indecision.” – Tony Soprano
2. “Sometimes it’s important to give people the illusion of being in control.” – Tony Soprano
3. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” – Tony Soprano
4. “Those who want respect give respect.” – Tony Soprano
5. “You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?” – Tony Soprano
6. “If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.” – Tony Soprano
7. “Well, when you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce.” – Tony Soprano
8. “I haven’t been able to tell anybody this. I’m f*ck*n’ relieved.” – Tony Soprano
9. “There’s nothing more useless than a loaded gun.” – Tony Soprano
10. “I like people who don’t need everyone to like them.” – Tony Soprano
11. “Someday soon, you’re gonna have families of your own and if you’re lucky, you’ll remember the little moments like this, that were good.” – Tony Soprano
12. “I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are gonna let you down. Family. They’re the only ones you can depend on.” – Tony Soprano
13. “This isn’t painful. Getting shot is painful. Getting stabbed in the ribs is painful. This—isn’t painful. It’s empty. Dead.” – Tony Soprano
14. “The things I take pleasure in, I can’t do.” – Tony Soprano
15. “We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell. It’s war. Soldiers kill other soldiers. We’re in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you’ve got to do certain things. It’s business.” – Tony Soprano
16. “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler?” – Tony Soprano
17. “It’s almost time for turkey sandwiches!” – Tony Soprano
18. “I went ahead and ordered some for the table.” – Tony Soprano
19. “Bad for the grass! Bad for the grass!” – Tony Soprano
20. “It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.” – Tony Soprano
21. “We buried him—on a hill—overlooking a river, with pine cones all around.” – Tony Soprano
22. “You bottomed out.” – Tony Soprano
23. “Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody’s gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type.” – Tony Soprano
24. “My father was in it. My was in it. Maybe, I was too lazy to think for myself.” – Tony Soprano
25. “What constitutes a fidget?” – Tony Soprano
26. “Nostradamus and Notre Dame. It’s two different things completely.” – Tony Soprano
27. “He’s gonna leave the house. On a piece of plywood if necessary, but he’s gonna leave the house.” – Tony Soprano
28. “Sacre bleu, where is me mama?” – Tony Soprano
29. “You should try tomato sauce for your *ss—it’s the Italian version.” – Tony Soprano
30. “A grown man made a wager. He lost. He made another one—he lost again. End of story.” – Tony Soprano
31. “This is gonna sound stupid, but I saw at one point that our mothers are—bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See, they’re the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep tryin’ to get back on the bus, instead of just lettin’ it go.” – Tony Soprano
32. ” All due respect, you got no idea what it’s like to be number one. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end, you’re completely alone with it all.” – Tony Soprano
33. “Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I’m feeling. I tell you how I’m feeling, and now you’re going to torture me with it.” – Tony Soprano
34. “I find I have to be the sad clown; laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.” – Tony Soprano
35. “You’re only religious when it suits you.” – Tony Soprano
36. “You’re alright, baby.” – Tony Soprano
37. “I didn’t hurt nobody.” – Tony Soprano
38. “The only reason I did this is because , and I love you. If it were anybody else, they would’ve gotten that intervention through the back of their f*ck*ng head.” – Tony Soprano
39. “‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.” – Tony Soprano
40. “What kind of person can I be, where his own mother wants him dead?” – Tony Soprano
41. “You know when I was depressed I said I didn’t want to live? Well, I’ll tell you something—I didn’t want to die.” – Tony Soprano
42. “Each day is a gift.” – Tony Soprano
43. “I got the world by the balls and I can’t stop feeling like a miserable prick.” – Tony Soprano
44. “You go about and pity yourself.” – Tony Soprano
45. “It wasn’t like it was friggin’ Cobain! It was just a little suicidal gesture, that’s all.” – Tony Soprano
46. “Buy land, ’cause God ain’t making any more of it.” – Tony Soprano
47. “I think it’s time for you to start to seriously consider salads.” – Tony Soprano
48. “I wipe my *ss with your feelings!” – Tony Soprano
49. “What’s your background, Noel?” – Tony Soprano
50. “Why don’t you have a f*ck*ng drink, will you? Because you’re driving everybody crazy with this sh*t!” – Tony Soprano
51. “They say every day’s a gift. But, why does it have to be a pair of socks?” – Tony Soprano
52. Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “What line of work are you in?”
Tony Soprano: “Waste management consultant.”
53. “There’s an old Italian saying; you f*ck up once, you lose two teeth.” – Tony Soprano
54. “Log off. That ‘cookies’ sh*t makes me nervous.” – Tony Soprano
55. “I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to sh*t.” – Tony Soprano
56. “Hey, I don’t even let anyone wag their finger in my face.” – Tony Soprano
57. “You know where I was yesterday when you called? I was outside a whorehouse, while a guy that works for me was inside beating the sh*t out of a guy that owes me money. Broke his arm. Put a bullet in his kneecap.” – Tony Soprano
58. “What the f*ck’s the matter with you?” – Tony Soprano
59. Tony Soprano: “It’s like taking a sh*t.”
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “Okay. I actually like to think about it as a childbirth.”
60. “Is everyone in my life f*ck*n’ bananas?” – Tony Soprano
61. “What do you want from me? My only son’s a couch potato.” – Tony Soprano
62. Carmela Soprano: “What if something should happen?”
Tony Soprano: “You dig out my blue suit, you call up old man Coletti, and tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.”
63. “Take your hat off.” – Tony Soprano
64. “That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See, what they didn’t know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings that they wouldn’t be able to shut him up! And then it’s dysfunction this, and dysfunction that, and dysfunction vaffancul!” – Tony Soprano
65. “I think maybe you shouldn’t do that one. You know, let sleeping dogs lie.” – Tony Soprano
66. “The belt was his favorite child development tool.” – Tony Soprano
67. Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “How’d that make you feel?”
Tony Soprano: “Wished it was me in there.”
68. “Why don’t you kick me in the f*ck*n’ head?” – Tony Soprano
69. “You want more responsibility? Start by controlling your wife.” – Tony Soprano
70. “Look, maybe I am wrong, but you have really changed since the old man died. First, Lorraine Caluzzo. Then you sink this idiot’s boat. This is not the John I knew.” – Tony Soprano
71. “I’m not running a popularity contest.” – Tony Soprano
72. “Sil, break it down for ’em. What two businesses have traditionally been recession-proof since time immemorial?” – Tony Soprano
73. “I called you here, ’cause I got something to tell you. From now on, I’m gonna rely on you more and more, ’cause you’re the only one I can fully trust. Sil and Paulie—they’re old friends, but you’re one thing they’re not.” – Tony Soprano
74. “You know, Tony, it’s a multiple-choice thing with you. ‘Cause I can’t tell if you’re old-fashioned, you’re paranoid, or just a f*ck*ng *ssh*le.” – Carmela Soprano
75. “My father told me to never get old. I should have listened to him.” – Junior Soprano
76. “Look at you at girls soccer, Tony.” – Carmela Soprano
77. “Daughters are better at taking care of their mothers than sons.” – Livia Soprano
78. “I wish the Lord would take me now.” – Livia Soprano
79. “Keep thinking you know everything. Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually think they’re leading.” – Junior Soprano
80. Livia Soprano: “It’s not easy being abandoned, is it?”
Junior Soprano: “Look to yourself.”
81. “What the hell would we have in common? Bunions? You know how I feel about feet.” – Junior Soprano
82. “Water, water, water! I’m livin’ next door to Gunga Din!” – Livia Soprano
83. “Only if I’m picked up and brought back home. I don’t drive when they’re predicting rain.” – Livia Soprano
84. “The state can crush the individual. And if we can have our rights trampled like that, imagine what it’s like for recent arrivals.” – Meadow Soprano
85. “Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. Some things are just a matter of duty.” – Junior Soprano
86. “Psychology doesn’t address the soul—that’s something else—but, this is a start.” – Carmela Soprano
87. “Janice, how do you open this Eee-Advil? Oh, nevah mind.” – Livia Soprano
88. “Sometimes, we’re all hypocrites.” – Meadow Soprano
89. “Hi, my name is J.T., I’m an alcoholic and an addict. I’m also a TV writer, which by default makes me a douchebag.” – J.T Dolan
90. “You ever feel like nothin’ good was ever gonna happen to you?” – Christopher Moltisanti
91. “She’s so fat, she goes campin’, the bears have to hide their food.” – Paulie Gualtieri
92. “Cancer don’t respect nothing.” – Furio Giunta
93. “Don’t ever say you hate life. That’s blasphemy.” – Jason Cahill
94. “Oh, look at that! It’s like an ad for a weight loss center. Before, and way before!” – Paulie Gualtieri
95. “In my thoughts, I used a technique of positive visualization. How come I always feel undermined?” – Christopher Moltisanti
96. “Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti
97. “Genetic predispositions are only that—predispositions. It’s not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi
98. “People only see what you allow them to see.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi
99. “More is lost by indecision than by wrong decision.” – Carmela Soprano
