2. “Crack an egg on your head. Let the yolk drip down.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

3. “You know what your problem is? You want to think of yourself as the good guy. Well, I know you better than anyone, and I can tell you that you’re not.” – Herb Kazzaz

4. “I don’t understand how people live.” – BoJack Horseman

5. “Settle. Because otherwise, you’re just gonna get older and harder, and more alone.” – BoJack Horseman

6. “You have to be careful, because if you spend a lot of time with stories, you start to believe that life is just stories, and it’s not.” – Princess Carolyn

7. “Fool me once, shame on you. But teach a man to fool me and I’ll be fooled for the rest of my life.” – BoJack Horseman

8. “One day, you’re gonna look around and you’re going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. And that is the loneliest feeling in the world.” – BoJack Horseman

9. “You are a horrible person, and you, not understanding that you’re a horrible person, doesn’t make you less of a horrible person.” – BoJack Horseman

10. “You’d probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you’re a selfish goddamn coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn’t give a shit about who he hurts.” – Herb Kazzaz

11. “I got into this business because I love stories. They comfort us, they inspire us, they create a context for how we experience the world.” – Princess Carolyn

12. “My gave the eulogy. My entire life, I never heard her say a kind word to, or about my father, but at his funeral, she said, ‘My husband is dead, and everything is worse now.’” – BoJack Horseman

13. “Don’t throw your dreams away for this child.” – Beatrice Horseman

14. “I hate this. Running is terrible. Everything is the worst.” – BoJack Horseman

15. “Life is life, and that’s so sad because there’s so little time and what are we doing with it?” – Princess Carolyn

16. “It’s amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say, ‘Yeah, another day, let’s do it.’ How do people do it? I don’t know how.” – BoJack Horseman

17. “You’re gonna do everything you can to fill that hole, with friends, and your career, and meaningless sex, but the hole doesn’t get filled.” – BoJack Horseman

18. “I think about my child’s heartbeat and oh, it makes me weep.” – Sextina Aquafina

19. “I hope and pray to God my little fetus has a soul, because I want it to feel pain when I eject it from my hole.” – Sextina Aquafina

20. “Don’t let that man poison your life the way he did mine.” – Beatrice Horseman

21. “Things don’t become traditions because they’re good, BoJack, they become good because they’re traditions.” – Todd Chavez

22. “You’ll meet a man—a good man—and you’ll have a family, but please, believe me, you don’t want this. Please, Henrietta, you have to believe me. Please, don’t do what I did.” – Beatrice Horseman

23. “When I was a kid, I used to watch you on TV, and you know I didn’t have the best family.” – Diane Nguyen

24. “I didn’t come from such a great home, but one day, I started running, and that seemed to make sense, so then I just kept running.” – Secretariat

25. “I feel like my life is just a series of unrelated wacky adventures.” – BoJack Horseman

26. “Man, buying those muffins and then eating them all on the drive home.” – BoJack Horseman

27. “Your girlfriend has a stripper name.” – BoJack Horseman

28. “I have to push a boulder up a hill and then have it roll over me time and time again with no regard for my well-being!” – Princess Carolyn

29. “Look, for a lot of people, life is just one long hard kick in the urethra.” – BoJack Horseman

30. “Sweetie, you know I support you, whatever you want to do; but you’re not gonna find what you’re looking for in these awful made-up places.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

31. “BoJack, I’m gonna level with you, honey. This whole you hating the troops thing is not great.” – Princess Carolyn

32. “All I learned about being good, I learned from TV.” – BoJack Horseman

33. “I’m responsible for my own happiness? I can’t even be responsible for my own breakfast!” – BoJack Horseman

34. “You were born broken, that’s your birthright. And now you can fill your life with projects, your books, and your movies, and your little girlfriends; but that won’t make you whole.” – Beatrice Horseman

35. “You know, sometimes, I feel like I was born with a leak, and any goodness I started with just slowly spilled out of me, and now it’s all gone.” – BoJack Horseman

36. “Life is a series of closing doors, isn’t it?” – BoJack Horseman

37. “You’re BoJack Horseman. There’s no cure for that.” – Beatrice Horseman

38. “You sleep on my couch and you don’t pay rent. I’ve had tapeworms that are less parasitic. I don’t even remember why I let you stay with me in the first place.” – BoJack Horseman

39. “Dead on the inside, dead on the outside.” – BoJack Horseman

40. “You are going to finish your schooling and become a nurse.” – Beatrice Horseman

41. “There are people in your life who are gonna try to hold you back, slow you down; but you don’t let them.” – Secretariat

42. “There’s nothing for you behind you. All that exists is what’s ahead.” – Secretariat

43. “Yeah, I ate them all in one sitting because I have no self-control and I hate myself” – BoJack Horseman

44. “I’m gonna say, ‘Hello. I am BoJack Horseman. Obviously, you know who I am, because I’m very famous, and also because we called ahead. And I am here because I need help.’” – BoJack Horseman

45. “Don’t you stop running and don’t you ever look behind you.” – Secretariat

46. “The key to being happy isn’t a search for meaning. It’s to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you’ll be dead.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

47. “There is no shame in dying for nothing. That’s why most people die.” – Henry Winkler

48. “The universe is a cruel, uncaring void.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

49. “I don’t hate the troops, I just hate one specific troop. I don’t even hate him, I just think he’s wrong about the muffins.” – BoJack Horseman

50. “In TV, flawed characters are constantly showing people they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think that part of me still believes that’s what love is.” – BoJack Horseman

51. “It’s not just you, you know. Your father and I, we, well, you come by it, honestly—the ugliness inside you.” – Beatrice Horseman

52. “I have half a mind.” – BoJack Horseman

53. “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, flags just look like flags.” – Wanda Pierce

54. “Stop pissing off the orphans. A lot of them grow up to be serial killers.” – Princess Carolyn

55. “That woman can knock a drink back like a Kennedy at a wake for another Kennedy, but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t get shit done!” – Princess Carolyn

56. “It’s not you, you tell yourself, it’s that bad thing you did.” – The Closer

57. “Do you often keep people at arm’s length? Are you afraid of being known and knowing others?” – The Closer

58. “I guess in human terms it would be—he’s all talk, no shooting you with an assault rifle.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

59. “It doesn’t matter where you are. It’s who you are, that’s not gonna change whether you’re in California or Maine or New Mexico. You know, you can’t escape you.” – BoJack Horseman

60. “BoJack, when I was your age, I got sad. A lot.” – Secretariat

61. “BoJack, when you get sad, you run straight ahead and you keep running forward, no matter what.” – Secretariat

62. “Only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy.” – Fuzzy Whiskers

63. “It’s made up by Steven Spielberg to sell movie tickets. It’s like the happiness or the Munich Olympics—it doesn’t exist in the real world.” – BoJack Horseman

64. “It takes a long time to realise how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn’t have to be that way.” – Fuzzy Whiskers

65. “Things weren’t that great for me. But, for half an hour, every week, I got to watch this show about four people who had nobody, who came together and became a family, and for half an hour, every week, I had a home, and it helped me survive.” – Diane Nguyen

66. “It’s not about being happy—that is the thing. I’m just trying to get through each day. I can’t keep asking myself, ‘Am I happy?’ It just makes me more miserable.” – Diane Nguyen

67. “Why would you ever make things easy for me when instead you could make things incredibly difficult?” – Princess Carolyn

68. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m happy for the first time in my life and I’m not gonna feel bad about it.” – Fuzzy Whiskers

69. “I don’t know If I believe in it, real lasting happiness, All those perky, well-adjusted people you see in movies and TV shows ? I don’t think they exist.” – Diane Nguyen

70. “Everybody deserves to be loved.” – Mr. Peanutbutter

71. “I need to go take a shower so I can’t tell if I’m crying or not.” – BoJack Horseman

72. “I can’t say no to people because I want everyone to like me.” – BoJack Horseman

73. “I just wanted to tell you that I know. I know you want to be happy, but you won’t be, and I’m sorry.” – Beatrice Horseman

74. “You didn’t know me and then you fell in love with me. And now you know me.” – BoJack Horseman

75. “We’re just two lonely people trying to hate ourselves a little less.” – BoJack Horseman

76. “When you do bad things, you have something you can point to when people eventually leave you.” – The Closer

77. “Kelsey, in this terrifying world, all we have are the connections that we make.” – BoJack Horseman


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