1. “Well, I have to save my ass.” – Shrek

2. “Oh, would you look at that.” – Shrek

3. “That’ll do, Donkey. That’ll do.” – Shrek

4. “This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles.” – Donkey

5. “Because that’s what friends do, they forgive each other.” – Donkey

6. “Well, that’s not very nice. It’s just a donkey.” – Shrek

7. “You go in there and tell her how you feel.” – Donkey

8. “Little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?” – Shrek

9. “You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” – Donkey

10. “Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.” – Donkey

11. “Yeah, right before they burst into flame.” – Shrek

12. “Like that’s ever gonna happen.” – Shrek

13. “Donkey, two things okay? Shut. Up.” – Shrek

14. “Thank you, thank you very much. I’m here ’till Thursday. Try the veal.” – Shrek

15. “Well it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.” – Shrek

16. “No! I’m an ogre! You know, ‘Grab your torch and pitchforks!’ Doesn’t that bother you?” – Shrek

17. “Wow, that was really scary and if you don’t mind me saying, if that doesn’t work, your breath will certainly get the job done, ’cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something ’cause your breath stinks.” – Donkey

18. “Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!” – Donkey

19. “Wow. Let’s do that again.” – Donkey

20. “Why are you following me?” – Shrek

21. “Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.” – Donkey

22. “No—layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.” – Shrek

23. “Y’know, me too. That’s another thing we have in common. I hate it when you’ve got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint, and they won’t leave, and then there’s that big awkward silence.” – Donkey

24. “Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” – Magic Mirror

25. “C’mon, princess. You’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” – Donkey

26. “Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” – Donkey

27. “Okay, let me get this straight—you’re gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back your swamp, which you only don’t have ‘cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right?” – Donkey

28. “What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out the yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.” – Princess Fiona

29. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess, but she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, , and true love’s first kiss.” – Shrek

30. “My donkey fell in your waffle hole.” – Shrek

31. “Yeah, it’s getting him to shut up. That’s the trick!” – Shrek

32. “A cute, button nose? thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks?” – Shrek

33. “I’m going to be a father. How did this happen?” – Shrek

34. “I’ll stick with you!” – Donkey

35. “You don’t entertain much, do you?” – Donkey

36. “I like my privacy.” – Shrek

37. “Now, why don’t you go to celebrate your freedom with your own friends?” – Shrek

38. “Hey, come back there. I’m not through with you yet.” – Donkey

39. “Listen, you were really, really something back there. Incredible!” – Donkey

40. “And then one time, I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.” – Donkey

41. “Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone—we must be getting close.” – Shrek

42. “Yeah, right, brimstone, don’t be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn’t no brimstone and it didn’t come off no stone either.” – Donkey

43. “Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.” – Captain of Guards

44. “Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” – Donkey

45. “He huffed unt he puffed until he signed an eviction notice.” – Little Pig

46. “Don’t mess with me. I’m the Stair Master. I’ve mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I could step here, and here, and here, and step all over it.” – Donkey

47. “Yes, I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?” – Lord Farquaad

48. “Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white, sparkly teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach or something, ’cause that’s one dazzling smile you got there; and do I detect a hint of minty freshness?” – Donkey

49. “You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.” – Shrek

50. “Blue flower, thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Man, this would be so much easier if I wasn’t colorblind.” – Donkey

51. “Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres—oh, they’re much worse. They’ll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They’ll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it’s quite good on toast.” – Shrek

52. “What’s that? It’s hideous!” – Lord Farquaad

53. “Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!” – Donkey

54. “You can’t tell me you’re afraid of heights?” – Shrek

55. “Gee, you think he’s compensating for something?” – Shrek

56. “This is the part where you run away.” – Shrek

57. “What’s the matter? You got something’ in your eye?” – Donkey

58. “Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet!” – Shrek

59. “Sure it’s big enough, but look at the location.” – Shrek

60. “Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.” – Lord Farquaad

61. “I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my twitching.” – Donkey

62. “I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.” – Pinocchio

63. “I’m not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?” – Lord Farquaad

64. “Now, really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding?” – Lord Farquaad

65. “The stars don’t tell the future. They tell stories.” – Shrek

66. “Someday, I will repay you. Unless, of course, I can’t find you or if I forget.” – Shrek

67. “Don’t worry, princess. I used to be afraid of the dark until… No, wait. I’m still afraid of the dark.” – Donkey



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