2. “Life is pain. We’ve got to scrape the joy from it every chance we get.” – Rod Kimble
3. “I needed to think about last night, so I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done.” – Rod Kimble
4. “Play the victim, and you will be the victim.” – Frank Powell
5. “Whatever happened to ‘Live as a team. Die as a team?'” – Dave McLean
6. “Never underestimate your opponent.” – Frank Powell
7. “Don’t you ever tell me how to live my life again!” – Rico Brown
8. “It’s a sham, okay? There’s no such thing as a team. You live and die alone.” – Rod Kimble
9. “Tai Chi teaches that if you focus your body and mind, you’ll be able to perform at the peak of your abilities.” – Denise Harris
10. “Every relationship has its ups and downs.” – Denise Harris
11. “Who cares what anyone thinks?” – Denise Harris
12. “I’d rather die than live in a world where I can’t kick your ass.” – Rod Kimble
13. “You’re wrong, Frank. I’m not a kid. I’m a man. I am going to get you better, and then I’m going to beat you to death!” – Rod Kimble
14. “You don’t get it, do you, Denise? I used to be legit. In fact, I was too legit. I was too legit to quit. But now, I’m not legit. I’m un-legit, and for that reason, I must quit.” – Rod Kimble
15. “Life is short. Stunt it!” – Rod Kimble
16. “Frank, I’m going to get you better, you old sack of shit, and then, I’m going to uncork the ass beating of a lifetime on you! And you will respect me! Peace!” – Rod Kimble
17. “I’ve been drinking green tea all goddamn day!” – Rico Brown
18. Rod Kimble: “You look pretty.”
Denise Harris: “What?”
Rod Kimble: “I said you look shitty.”
19. “Wow, that’s pretty racist but correct. I’ll see you later.” – Rod Kimble
20. “It’s nice to see him smiling again.” – Marie Powell
21. “Do you see what you’re doing to him? You’re making him upset. How important is this to you, huh? I don’t even cry, and look at me. You’re about to make tears come out of my face. Who am I supposed to build ramps for? Who am I supposed to build ramps for now?” – Rico Brown
22. “Yoohoo, shit heads. I found this bag of fireworks in the men’s restroom. Would you guys like to light them off?” – Rico Brown
23. “Who do you think would win in a fight between a grilled cheese and a taco?” – Rod Kimble
24. “You know, pools are perfect for holding water.” – Dave McLean
25. “You’re gonna look like a champion, Rod.” – Kevin Powell
26. “Hey, everybody! I got some awesome news. We have a new crew member today, Denise. So I thought it would be fun if we all went around and said our name and a little something about ourselves.” – Rod Kimble
27. “I go to church every goddamn Sunday, and you bring the demons out in me!” – Rico Brown
28. “I’m just kidding. I could hear you. It was just really mean.” – Rod Kimble
29. “Oh my God, shut up! Okay? I’m just going to do it for you. Denise, this is the crew. Dave is the mechanic. Rico makes the ramps. Kevin is team manager slash videographer. None of them party, right? Got it? Let’s party!” – Rod Kimble
30. “He won’t be smiling when I murder him!” – Rod Kimble
31. “Well, I think the grilled cheese sandwich, in a fair fight. But if it was prison rules, I’d put my money on the taco.” – Denise Harris
32. “I had that weird dream again last night where I am in a castle, and 1000 wizards are coming at me, and the only way to kill them is to punch them as hard as I can in the face, and then, when I’m done, all their little wizard wives came out and wanted me to just have sex with them. Which is kinda weird.” – Rico Brown
33. Rod Kimble: “So how did he die?”
Marie Powell: “He choked on some pie.”
Rod Kimble: “What? Come on! Seriously?”
Marie Powell: “He wanted to win that contest so badly.”
34. “My balls itch more than a flea on a Jack Russel terrier!” – Rico Brown
35. Kevin Powell: “Hey, Rod, what’s that song about a grandma getting run over by a reindeer?”
Rod Kimble: “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?”
36. “Please believe, I do my laundry with no pants on!” – Rod Kimble
37. “Never sneak up on a man who’s been in a chemical fire.” – Frank Powell
38. “I’m a go drop some dumpage.” – Rico Brown
39. “Got it, sensei. I have a question. Is there a Tai Chi move that would make a grown man crap his pants and not know why?” – Rod Kimble
40. Rod Kimble: “Did you reinforce the take-off ramp?”
Kevin Powell: “No, we didn’t have time.”
Rod Kimble: “Cool.”
41. “I’m kind of grumpy today, dude. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night having those dreams again.” – Rico Brown
42. “Have fun being married to Satan!” – Rod Kimble
43. “You know I have a hormone disorder!” – Rod Kimble
44. “Balls, man. We just ran over a small bus.” – Dave McLean
45. “Oh, man, he hit his ass with a parking cone. Nice.” – Dave McLean
46. “My name is Rod, and I like to party. All right, Dave, you’re up.” – Rod Kimble
47. “Please don’t let me embarrass myself in front of Denise.” – Rod Kimble
48. “Wow, Rod, I can’t believe she said yes.” – Kevin Powell
49. “I am genuinely sorry about the window!” – Rod Kimble
50. “When you’re going on a date, you put on a shirt and ride your bike to the date!” – Rod Kimble
51. “Prepare to be dazzled!” – Rico Brown
52. Dave McLean: “I’m gonna be honest with you, Rod. You look like a giant eagle with fire all around you, and you’ve got a mountain for a face.”
Rod Kimble: “I’m guessing that’s the drugs, Dave.”
53. “Man, Rod! I am just green with jealous rage right now.” – Dave McLean
54. “Who wants to see me do a big-ass stunt!” – Rod Kimble
55. “It’s bouncing around the web like a beach ball at a Nickelback concert.” – Kevin Powell
56. “Hey, Denise, have I ever shown you a picture of my dead dad?” – Rod Kimble
57. “My name is Dave, and I am the stuntman.” – Dave McLean
58. “Is that Sully? Babe, I’ve got to go, say what up to Sully. Hey Sullivan, you chode. I owe you a shot in the nuts.” – Jonathan Ault
59. “I’m not going to lie to you, Rod. That move does exist, but you’re not ready for it yet.” – Denise Harris
60. “You’re the next Douglas Bubbletrousers!” – Rod Kimble
61. “We’re going to jump 15 buses.” – Rod Kimble
62. “That’s him? He looks so nice. He was a stuntman?” – Denise Harris
63. “You’re a terrible stuntman!” – Furious Boss
64. “The safe word is ‘hhhwhiskey.'” – Rod Kimble
65. “Frank, I know you’re sleeping, but I just wanted you to know the training is going really great. My reflexes are sharp, I’m crazy agile, and I have a date. So, anyways, that’s the update. Sleep tight.” – Rod Kimble
66. “What do you mean he’s not here? He’s team manager!” – Rod Kimble
67. “It’s actually one more than Evel Knievel jumped, Rico. I know. I checked online.” – Rod Kimble
68. “One afternoon, he set out to jump 10 milk trucks. He nailed the take-off, but when he landed, something terrible happened. His front tire exploded like a cannonball, and his handlebars went straight through his head. Blood was everywhere. His teeth were ground down to a powder, and the front of his face exploded out the back of his skull. He died instantly the next day.” – Rod Kimble
69. Rico Brown: “Man, I don’t really know about having a girl on the team, man.”
Dave McLean: “Alright, Rico, listen. Um, there’s an ancient Italian maxim that roughly translates to 70. ‘He who is resistant to change is destined to perish.’ So, why don’t you try to open up that mind of yours, you know? It’s like, look at Kevin, I mean, he real mature, man.”
70. “Looks like you got stood up, huh?” – Jonathan Ault
71. “Now I know she doesn’t look like much, but trust me, man, she’s got some kick, a lot.” – Dave McLean
72. “Souls of the animal kingdom! Eagle, fox, bottlenose dolphin, octopus, house cat! Okay, let’s jump this jump!” – Rod Kimble
73. “Yeah, uh, we were, uh, worried that the moped might not be fast enough to clear the jump, so uh.” – Dave McLean
74. “What was it, Kev? Jealousy? You couldn’t take everyone loving my stunts and thinking you’re short?” – Rod Kimble
75. “There’s one more thing, Rod. I know how you like explosions, and showmanship, and stuff, so I rigged the whole jump with fireworks. And I got you this rock to represent all my hard work.” – Rico Brown
76. “I miss you, daddy.” – Rod Kimble
77. “Rod, are you okay?” – Kevin Powell
78. “Old man, young heart!” – Frank Powell
79. “They’ve done it! They’ve raised $50,000 for Frank’s conveniently priced surgery!” – Barry Pasternak
80. “Rod knows my name! Rod knows my name! Rod knows my name!” – Richardson
81. “Now, who’s with me? Good. Now, let’s celebrate.” – Rod Kimble
82. “We don’t talk much, do we? Kathy, was it? My name’s Rod. I do awesome stunts all the time with my friends. You probably didn’t know that, and you probably have lots of cool stuff about you that I don’t know. Point is, if you don’t sit down with someone and really talk and get to know them, you’ll never find those things out. So what do you say? Want to make this thing official?” – Rod Kimble
83. “We did it, Richardson!” – Rod Kimble
84. “Yeah, I do. Stay sweet.” – Rod Kimble
85. “Mom, have you seen my hip pads?” – Rod Kimble
86. “Denise, you were right. The taco won.” – Rod Kimble
87. “A cooked goose for everyone! Hahaha!” – Scrooge
88. Rico Brown: “I hope you enjoy the show.”
Frank Powell: “I can assure you I won’t.”
89. “Now, I don’t want to say that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I want a lawyer!” – Barry Pasternak
90. Rod Kimble: “All great men have mustaches!”
Frank Powell: “Yeah, but real men actually grow them!”
91. “Yeah, you could pretty much just toss that after the fireworks go off, it’s cool.” – Rico Brown
92. “Right, totally. You guys should break up.” – Rod Kimble
93. “Aw, man. That just shatters my entire universe.” – Dave McLean
94. “Rod’s crew is running to his side. I, for one, hope none of them had a fight with Rod this morning because he is more than likely dead.” – Barry Pasternak
95. “Come on, Richardson. You’re being a tool.” – Dave McLean
96. Rod Kimble: “Cool beans?”
Kevin Powell: “Cool beans.”
97. “Ancestors protect me.” – Rod Kimble
98. “Why is Rod kissing his sister, man?” – Dave McLean
99. “Oh, the safety word didn’t help.” – Rod Kimble
100. “Well, maybe I’ll pick up a box of dong bags so we can knock boots later.” – Jonathan Ault
101. “I need to go to my quiet place!” – Rod Kimble
102. “Here I am, Frank. Get ready to meet your maker. Oh, God. We hadn’t even started yet.” – Rod Kimble
103. “I’ve got a tattoo here that fully illustrates my point. It’s of this rebellious young man, and he’s urinating on an FM radio, and then this other stream of urine is going onto that television set. Implausible, I know, but I like to think that he had sex the night before, and a little bit of residue is blocking his urethra, allowing the urine to flow in two separate directions.” – Barry Pasternak
104. “What’s going on? Is this some sort of interactive theater art piece?” – Rod Kimble
105. Rod Kimble: “Gods of war.”
Kevin Powell: “May your hammer be mighty.”
106. “I decided to get on my bench grinder, and a piece of metal flew up and hit me right in the eye. It was pretty awesome, and that brings us to now.” – Dave McLean
107. “No, Kevin, I know, for a fact, you don’t party.” – Rod Kimble
108. “You guys, the bathroom here is nuts.” – Dave McLean
109. “I’m officially kicking off Phase Two: Operation Fiscal Jackhammer.” – Rod Kimble
110. “Yeah, but it’s also just kind of weird seeing you drive this minivan.” – Dave McLean
111. “Your video made me look like an idiot.” – Rod Kimble
112. “There are no tools in this pool.” – Richardson
113. “I’m going in for a vitamin water. Should I make that dos?” – Jonathan Ault
114. “Sorry, Rod, what was that?” – Kevin Powell
115. “This is my hat now! This is totally my hat!” – Rico Brown
116. “No! I’m the only one who parties!” – Rod Kimble
117. “Why I’m saying what, what way?” – Rod Kimble
118. “Hey, Rod, thanks for the ride.” – Dave McLean
119. “Thanks, Rico. Hey, have you seen Kevin anywhere?” – Rod Kimble
