2. “Be cool to people. Be nice to as many people as you can. Smile to as many people as you can, and have them smile back at you.”

3. “One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.”

4. “Once you understand what excellence is all about, you see how excellence manifests itself in any discipline.”

5. “That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.”

6. “Life is strange. You keep moving and keep moving. Before you know it, you look back and think, ‘What was that?’”

7. “This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.”

8. “I’m obsessed with extreme winners because I think there’s madness to it.”

9. “When you snatch little pieces of other people’s lives and try to palm them off as your own, that’s more disgusting than anything.”

10. “Work for that feeling that you have accomplished something. Don’t waste your time on this earth without making a mark.”

11. “The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don’t work out.”

12. “No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We’re designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.”

13. “I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.”

14. “I love a success story, but even more than a success story. I like a dude who f*cks his life up and gets his life together again story.”

15. “There’s only one way to get good at anything. You surround yourself with the bad m*th*rf*ck*rs who are doing exactly what you do and you force yourself to keep up and inspire each other.”

16. “If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.”

17. “I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.”

18. “In all my travels, all my life adventures. I have to say I still don’t know what life is, absolutely no clue, and it is a subject that is constantly on my mind. One thing I do know for a fact is that the nicer we are to our fellow human beings, the nicer the universe is to us.”.

19. “Reality really is a theater. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s all so nonsensical, ridiculous, and chaotic.”

20. “If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.” 

21. “To really appreciate life, you got to know you’re going to die.”

22. “The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion.”

23. “I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you.”

24. “If you attach your mind to any ideology, you’re going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you’re gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.”

25. “Live your life like you’re the hero in your own movie.”

26. “Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.”

27. “Someone else’s success does not equal a failure for you.” 

28. “I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.”

29. “There’s a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results in the physical form.”

30. “Write down things you want to improve. Write down things you won’t tolerate from yourself. Write down things you never want to see yourself do again.”

31. “People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.”

32. “When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.” 

33. “Greatness and madness are next-door neighbors and they often borrow each other’s sugar.” 

34. “For many people, the reason why they’re idiots is not necessarily that their brain doesn’t work well, it’s that they got in a terrible pattern.”

35. “Fuel yourself with the f*ck ups.”

36. “If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?”

37. “We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.”

38. “I truly believe that in order to truly be great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.”

39. “We define ourselves far too often by our past failures. That’s not you. You are this person right now. You’re the person who has learned from those failures.”

40. “If you can control what you eat, you can control all other aspects of your life.”

41. “The key to happiness doesn’t lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel and the way they make us feel.” 

42. “It’s very important to help people figure out how to manage life, to help people figure out how to think, help inspire them, help show them what can be gained from setting goals and achieving them and that excellent feeling and that becomes contagious.”

43. “Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.”

44. “By putting yourself in that intense form of stress, it makes regular life more peaceful.”

45. “Treat everyone as if they were you. If we really are one, then I am you and you are me.”

46. “Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn’t understand you and doesn’t want to understand you. There’s no natural behavior.”

47. “I don’t care if you’re gay, Black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It’s all an illusion.”

48. “Never stay in a bad marriage, and don’t hang around with psycho coke fiends.”

49. “The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating yourself and you don’t even realize it.” 

50. “People for the most part can smell lies.” 

51. “Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith and that nothing has to be proven.”

52. “All the time that you spend complaining, you could instead be hustling. You could be chasing your dream. You could be figuring out what you’re doing wrong and improving your life.” 

53. “People love to see people fall.”

54. “Your attitude has a giant effect not just on your life, but on other people’s lives around you.”

55. “If things aren’t going the way you want them to go, then do something about it. Quit talking about your problems and go out and do something to fix them.”

56. “Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow. We know that inherently that feels great.”

57. “I want to make sure that everything that I’m creating, I’m creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that’s the reward that you get for that.”

58. “Haters are all failures. It’s 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.” 

59. “You can’t measure what’s inside a man’s heart.” 

60. “Life is about the pursuit of excellence. That pursuit is probably more exciting to me now more than ever.”

61. “So instead of investing your time in a passion, you’ve sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn’t understand you. That’s the problem with our society. And what’s the reward? Go home and get a big TV.” 

62. “If life wasn’t real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever.” 

63. “The quicker we all realize that we’ve been taught how to live life by the people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn’t value invented borders or the monopolization of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity.”

64. “I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them. The sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.” 

65. “I’ve been inspired by a shitload of people in my life so if there’s ever anybody that I can inspire, to me that’s a huge gift. To be able to turn that back around.” 

66. “Here’s the craziest thing about life, this is the thing that nobody really considers. You know as much about what life is all about as anybody who’s ever lived, ever.”

67. “Being a celebrity or anything else where you’re really ambitious, it’s really a game to see how successful you can get.”

68. “On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I’ve had both knees reconstructed.”

69. “One of the things that happened is I did a lot of shitty gigs. When you do a bunch of shitty bar gigs you have to get used to people yelling at you, you’re used to thinking on the fly, to dealing with weird situations.” 

70. “We’re constantly re-evaluating the potential for life. We’re finding it where we didn’t think it could exist, such as volcanic vents and other extreme conditions like under arctic ice. We’re finding life in these incredibly harsh and dynamic conditions, so we’re having to re-evaluate our own ideas of what’s possible on this planet alone.”

71. “My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they’re my best friends.”

72. “After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It’s very weird.”

73. “Have you ever talked to someone, and you’re not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.” 

74. “The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.”

75. “To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don’t really worry that much about what other people think of me.”

76. “Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it’s very specialized and varied in its content, but generic in its title.”

77. “Not all comedy clubs or situations are ideal, especially when you’re first coming up and I think that’s good for you. Eventually, you get to express your real personality.”

78. “Get better at whatever you’re doing. So what if you suck at it now. Everybody sucks at everything when they start. But if you love it, and don’t lie to yourself, then get better at it.”

79. “Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that’s why everybody loved him so much.”

80. “The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.”

81. “Pretend that your life was a movie and it started now, what would the hero do? What would the person that you respect do? What would the person that you admire, and inspire you to do? Do that.”

82. “I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.”

83. “I’m a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.”

84. “The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.” 

85. “Do things that are difficult. It’s very important to struggle. You don’t get to know yourself without struggle. You don’t know who you are until you get tested.”

86. “Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.”

87. “Live your life like there is a documentary crew following you around and you are analyzing your own behavior.”

88. “ was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.”

89. “One hundred percent of all haters in the world are unrealized potential.”

90. “Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.”

91. “As a longtime practitioner of yoga and a person who’s been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching. The only way you can say that it’s stretching is if you haven’t done it, or that you haven’t done it rigorously for a long period of time.”

92. “I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you’re sparring or drilling techniques, you can’t think of anything else.”

93. “Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It’s a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just the box, but in an actual physical fight against someone who’s just a wrestler, you’re going to get killed.”

94. “I’ve done jiu-jitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It’s a big part of mixed martial arts.”

95. “There’s confidence and mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it’s boxing or wrestling, or whatever.”

96. “You are one minuscule piece of a never-ending cycle. In fact, you’re not even a piece. You’re just a holder for billions and billions of other pieces. Whether that’s organic components, living organisms inside your body, bacteria, or whatever it is, you’re just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what’s good about it.”

97. “It’s painful for me to watch someone who isn’t funny. It’s horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.”

98. “What’s interesting about science is that we’re constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It’s amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being, without a doubt.”

99. “Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.”

100. “It’s been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.”

101. “There are only two reasons that you hate gay marriage. One, you’re dumb, or two, you’re secretly worried that dicks are delicious.”

102. “The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I’ve ever used for developing my mind.”

103. “A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense.”

104. “The mind is the most important thing in the big picture and no one has a than amateur wrestlers.” 

105. “I want to talk about the nature of human beings or how we’re evolving as a race.”

106. “There’s a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.” 

107. “You’re sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That’s all you know. But we don’t have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet, we’re all communicating with each other all across the board, so you’re getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.”

108. “I’m afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.”

109. “I really feel like it’s a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.”


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