2. “Don’t hold the ball so hard, okay? It’s an egg. Hold it like an egg.” – Crash Davis

3. “You just got lesson number one—don’t think, it can only hurt the ball club.” – Crash Davis

4. “The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.” – Annie Savoy

5. “You guys, you lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout.” – Skip

6. “These are the ground rules. I hook up with one guy a season. Usually takes me a couple weeks to pick the guy, kinda my own spring training.” – Annie Savoy

7. “When you get in a fight with a drunk you don’t hit him with your pitching hand.” – Crash Davis

8. “The rose goes in the front, big guy.” – Crash Davis

9. “Don’t take this the wrong way Millie, but if I catch you here again I’ll ban you from the ballpark.” – Skip

10. “Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it’s all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don’t understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it’s like pheromones. You get three ants together.” – Annie Savoy

11. “Well, I believe in the soul, the c*ck, the p*ss*, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curveball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap.” – Crash Davis

12. “It’s a miracle. This is a simple game. You throw the ball, you hit the ball, you catch the ball. You got it.” – Skip

13. “Baseball may be a religion full of magic, cosmic truth, and the fundamental ontological riddles of our time, but it’s also a job.” – Annie Savoy

14. “You be arrogant, even when you’re getting beat. That’s the secret. You gotta play this game with fear and arrogance.” – Crash Davis

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15. “I’m just happy to be here. Hope I can help the ball club. I know. Write it down. I just want to give it my best shot, and the good Lord will be willing, things will work out.” – Crash Davis

16. “Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy.” – Crash Davis

17. “Last chance. Your place or mine?” – Crash Davis

18. “Honey, you are a regular nuclear meltdown. You better cool off.” – Annie Savoy

19. “From what I hear, you couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a f*ck*ng boat.” – Calvin Davis

20. “I was in the show for 21 days once. Twenty-one greatest days of my life. You know you never handle your luggage in the show? Someone else carries your bags. It’s great. You hit white balls for batting practice. Ballparks are like cathedrals.” – Crash Davis

21. “Throw it! You know you’re not gonna hit me, cause you’ve already started to think about it, eh? Thinkin’ about how embarrassing it would be to miss in front of all these people, how somebody might laugh? Come on.” – Crash Davis

22. “After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don’t try out. Besides, uh, I don’t believe in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart.” – Crash Davis

23. “Why’s he calling me meat? I’m the one driving a Porsche.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

24. “I’m the player to be named later.” – Crash Davis

25. “I never told him to stay out of your bed.” – Crash Davis

26. “Yeah, and he scrambled the son of a b*tch. Look at that, he hit the f*ck*ng bull! Guy gets a free steak!” – Crash Davis

27. “ once said, ‘I see great things in Baseball. It’s our game, the American game. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us.’” – Annie Savoy

28. “It feels out there. I mean, it’s a major rush. I mean, it feels radical in kind of a tubular sort of way, but most of all, it feels out there.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

29. “I told him that a player on a streak has to respect the streak.” – Crash Davis

30. “You’re gonna have to learn your cliches. You’re going to have to study them. You’re going to have to know them. They’re your friends. Write this down. We’ve got to play them one day at a time.” – Crash Davis

31. “Another new league record! In addition, he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice.” – Larry Hockett

32. “I love winning, man! I f*ck*ng love winning! You know what I’m saying? It’s, like, better than losing. Teach me something new, man. I need to learn.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

33. “Despite my of most Judeo-Christian ethics, I am, within the framework of the baseball season, monogamous.” – Annie Savoy

34. “Candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get ‘em.” – Larry

35. “Had a gun on him tonight. The last five pitches he threw were faster than the first five. He has the best young arm I’ve seen in 30 years. You’ve been around. You’re smart, professional. We want you to mature the kid. We want you to room with him on the road, stay on his case all year. He could go all the way.” – Joe Reardon

36. “What’s he know about fun? I’m young. I know about fun. He’s an old man. He doesn’t’ know nothin’ about fun.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

37. “I’ve tried ‘em all. The only church that truly feeds the soul, day in and day out, is the Church of Baseball.” – Annie Savoy

38. “I didn’t get lured and I will take responsibility for my actions.” – Millie

39. “I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn’t work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there’s no guilt in baseball, and it’s never boring.” – Annie Savoy

40. “How come in former lifetimes, everybody is somebody famous?” – Crash Davis

41. “Listen, sweetheart, you shouldn’t listen to what a woman says when she’s in the throes of passion. They say the darndest things.” – Annie Savoy

42. “You know, just because sometimes you manage to be clever and you have a nice smile does not mean you are not full of sh*t.” – Annie Savoy

43. “If you believe you’re playing well because you’re getting laid, or because you’re not getting laid, or because you wear women’s underwear, then you are! And you should know that!” – Crash Davis

44. “I believe in the Church of Baseball. I’ve tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones. But bad trades are part of baseball—now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God’s sake? It’s a long season and you gotta trust it. I really have.” – Annie Savoy

45. “You told him I was gonna throw a deuce, didn’t you?” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

46. “I want to bring the heater. Announce my presence with authority.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

47. “Well of course I’m trying to seduce you, for God’s sake, and I’m doing a damn poor job of it. Aren’t I pretty?” – Annie Savoy

48. “Show us that million-dollar arm, because I got a good idea about that five-cent head of yours.” – Crash Davis

49. “You get a dying quail, just one more dying quail a week and you’re in Yankee Stadium.” – Crash Davis

50. “You are—you’re exotic, and mysterious, and cute, and that’s why I’d better leave.” – Annie Savoy

51. “I got a Porsche already. I got a 911 with a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

52. “He’s got a million-dollar arm but a five-cent head.” – Larry

53. “So, we fight and she gets the clown? How does that work?” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

54. “Honey, would you rather I be making love to him using your name or making love to you using his name.” – Annie Savoy

55. “Well if anyone would know you were pulling your hips out early it’d be Annie.” – Larry

56. Annie Savoy: “Crash, that was fabulous.”

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: “Crash? You mean Nuke. You said ‘Crash.’”

Annie Savoy: “No, honey, I said Nuke.”

Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: “You said Crash.”

57. “You can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes and the press will think you’re colorful.” – Crash Davis

58. “He’s just your father, man. He’s as full of sh*t as anybody.” – Crash Davis

59. “Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don’t you think?” – Crash Davis

60. “Get on top of the ball. Quick bat. Don’t let him in your .” – Crash Davis

61. “You ain’t getting that cheese from me, meat. Look for the fastball up. He’s gotta come with the cheese. Relax. Relax. Quick bat.” – Crash Davis

62. “You’re gonna show up my pitcher after I gave you a gift, run dummy!” – Crash Davis

63. “You don’t want a ballplayer, you want a stable pony.” – Crash Davis

64. “God, that sucker teed off on that like he knew I was gonna throw a fastball!” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

65. “If you give in now, you might start losing. Huh? Never f*ck*ng with a winning streak.” – Crash Davis

66. “You can keep going to the ballpark, and keep getting paid to do it. Beats the hell out of working at Sears.” – Skip

67. “Relax, all right? Don’t try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring! Besides that, they’re fascist. Throw some ground balls, it’s more democratic.” – Crash Davis

68. “You got a gift. When you were a baby, the Gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt. You got a hall of fame arm, but you’re pissing it away.” – Crash Davis

69. “Give me the ball. Well, he really hit the sh*t out of that one, didn’t he?” – Crash Davis

70. “You don’t respect yourself, which is your problem. But you don’t respect the game, and that’s my problem. You got a gift.” – Crash Davis

71. “The Durham Bulls began playing baseball with joy and verve and poetry.” – Annie Savoy

72. “Christ, you don’t need a quadraphonic Blaupunkt! What you need is a curveball! In the show, everyone can hit the heat.” – Crash Davis

73. “Sears sucks, Crash. Boy, I once worked there. Sold Lady Kenmore’s. Nasty. Nasty work.” – Larry

74. “Is the modern-day athlete a pale imitation of the great old warriors?” – Cullinane

75. “God, I think you’re real cute.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

76. “Right. Fear and ignorance.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

77. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

78. “I don’t wanna think about nothin’. I just want to be.” – Crash Davis

79. “This guy is a first ball, fastball hitter!” – Crash Davis

80. ”I don’t hit no man first.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

81. “Hit me in the chest with that.” – Crash Davis

82. “I knew it. You’re trying to seduce me!” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

83. “All right meat, show him your heat.” – Crash Davis

84. “Now, I want you to breathe through your eyelids?” – Annie Savoy

Bull Durham Quotes That Will Remind You of the Characters of the Movie

85. “No. Your hayseed. It’s arrogance not ‘ignorance.’” – Crash Davis

86. “Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well.” – Crash Davis

87. “I think it would be great. The Sporting News should know about it.” – Annie Savoy

88. “Women never get lured. They’re too strong and powerful for that.” – Annie Savoy

89. “Come on, Annie, think of something clever to say, huh? Something full of magic, religion, bullshit. Come on, dazzle me.” – Crash Davis

90. “She’s getting pretty steamed, actually, because I’m still re-channeling my sexual energy. I’m figuring I’m just gonna cave in and sleep with her. You know, calm her down.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

91. “Well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far, so I just thought we should kinda get to know each other.” – Annie Savoy

92. “Making love is like hitting a baseball, you just gotta relax and concentrate.” – Annie Savoy

93. “What’s this guy know anyway? If he’s so great how come he’s been in the minors for ten years? If he’s so good, how come Annie wants me instead of him?” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

94. “Oh, hey, and another thing, Meat. You don’t know sh*t, all right? If you wanna make it to the bigs, you’ll listen to me. Annie only wants you so she can boss you around, got it?” – Crash Davis

95. “Nuke’s chastity was your idea.” – Crash Davis

96. “Like the lava lizards of the Galapagos Islands.” – Annie Savoy

97. “Your fastball’s up, your curveball’s hanging. In the show, they would’ve ripped you.” – Crash Davis

98. “Baby ducks are cute. I hate cute! I want to be exotic and mysterious.” – Annie Savoy

99. “You think Dwight Gooden leaves his socks on?” – Annie Savoy

100. “Guys will listen to anything if they think it’s foreplay.” – Annie Savoy

101. “I actually saw him read a book without pictures once!” – Max

102. “Well, he called it the Bermuda Triangle. He said that a man could get lost in there and never be heard from again.” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

103. “Did you hit me with your right hand or did you hit me with your left? Huh? Did you hit me with your right hand or did you hit me with your left?” – Crash Davis

104. “My Triple-A contract gets bought out so I can hold the flavor of the month’s d—in the bud leagues? Is that it? Well, f*ck this f*ck*ng game.” – Crash Davis

105. “So is somebody going to go to bed with somebody or what?” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh

106. “‘Course it’s boring, that’s the point. Write it down.” – Crash Davis

107. “You know what the difference between hitting .250 and .300 is? It’s 25 hits. Twenty-five hits in 500 at-bats is 50 points, okay? There’s six months in a season. That’s about 25 weeks. That means if you get just one extra flare a week, just one, a gork, a ground ball—a ground ball with eyes!” – Crash Davis

108. “You’re in the wrong business, Jack. You’re Sears and Roebuck material.” – Crash Davis

109. “The other day Crash called a woman’s pu—p*ss*—um, well, you know how the hair is kind of in a V-shape?” – Ebby Calvin LaLoosh


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