2. “People don’t arrive broken. They start with passion and yearning ’till something comes along that disabuses them of those notions.” – Lucifer Morningstar
3. “People, sometimes, kill the people with whom they’re in love. The heart’s mysterious.” – Lucifer Morningstar
4. “Lately, I’ve been thinking. Do you think I’m the Devil because I’m inherently evil, or just because dear, old Dad decided I was?” – Lucifer Morningstar
5. “Sometimes, it’s easier to make intimate issues about something bigger than yourself.” – Linda Martin
6. “The best thing to do is always to follow your greatest desire.” – Lucifer Morningstar
7. “No matter how bad things get, the true test is how we choose to respond to the pain we suffer or inflict.” – Amenadiel
8. “It hurts not being accepted for who you are.” – Lucifer Morningstar
9. “Hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.” – Lucifer Morningstar
10. “I’m like walking heroin, very habit-forming. It never ends well.” – Lucifer Morningstar
11. “You send yourselves, driven down by your own guilt. Forcing yourselves to relive your sins over and over, and the best part—the doors aren’t locked. You could leave anytime. It says something that no one ever does, doesn’t it?” – Lucifer Morningstar
12. “We can’t control what happens to us, only how it affects us and the choices we make.” – Chloe Decker
13. “Sometimes betrayal comes from the ones we expect the least.” – Lucifer Morningstar
14. “I mean, if all the apples are bad, maybe, it’s the tree that’s the problem.” – Lucifer Morningstar
15. “When angels fall, they also rise.” – Linda Martin
16. “Believe me. There is no winning when you play by a twisted tyrant’s rules.” – Lucifer Morningstar
17. “Desire shouldn’t be contained. It’s unnatural.” – Lucifer Morningstar
18. “Trust me, I’ve been doing this a long time. I know evil.” – Lucifer Morningstar
19. “If you desire something, just take it.” – Lucifer Morningstar
20. “I am trying to be God so that I can finally be worthy of her.” – Lucifer Morningstar
21. “Snapping necks and cashing checks is what I do.” – Lucifer Morningstar
22. “A deal’s a deal, especially one with the Devil.” – Lucifer Morningstar
23. “If you truly worship the dollar, then I’m your ticket to divinity.” – Lucifer Morningstar
24. “Sometimes, we are what we are, and we should embrace that.” – Lucifer Morningstar
25. “Why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?” – Lucifer Morningstar
26. “I am a devil of my word.” – Lucifer Morningstar
27. “Let me play the me’s advocate.” – Lucifer Morningstar
28. “Hello. My name is Lucifer Morningstar, and I love drugs. Love them! Mmm! Yummy, yummy, yummy. Can’t get enough, and I’ve got lots of money that I love spending on drugs. Not even picky. I’ll do any of them, mix them together sometimes.” – Lucifer Morningstar
29. “Say you fall in love with a woman who has a cat. What are you gonna do? You accept the cat.” – Dan Espinoza
30. “Trust me, if there’s one thing I know, it’s desire.” – Lucifer Morningstar
31. “Emotions are hard, but that’s why they make you strong.” – Linda Martin
32. “Sometimes we need to lose something before we can understand its value.” – Linda Martin
33. “Life is too short to hold grudges.” – Lucifer Morningstar
34. “It’s always the ones you least suspect, the ones you trust the most that hurt you. They wait until your guard is down, and then, wham! In my case, it was tequila.” – Ella Lopez
35. “And I can’t stop asking myself. Why do I hate myself so much?” – Lucifer Morningstar
36. “You need to get a thicker skin. Stand up for yourself because the truth is, nobody’s gonna do it for you.” – Charlotte Richards
37. “You shouldn’t have to change for anyone, and neither should I.” – Lucifer Morningstar
38. “I don’t think it’s right to base my faith on if everything is good, and unicorns, and ice cream.” – Ella Lopez
39. “No one expects you to change overnight. It’s hard to be one of the good guys. Look, I screw up too. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, believe me, but I don’t quit, and I know that counts for something. At least you’re trying, right?” – Dan Espinoza
40. “I mean, God works in mysterious ways. So you just got to believe that when He crushes your nuts, He does it for a reason.” – Ella Lopez
41. “No one gives us the right. We take it.” – Lucifer Morningstar
42. “You have to stop taking responsibility for things that you can’t control.” – Chloe Decker
43. “I find people who are rude usually feel powerless in their own lives. Terrified of not being in control.” – Linda Martin
44. “Sometimes, when someone has real feelings for someone, and it doesn’t work out, they shut down to anything new until they can deal with those leftover feelings.” – Linda Martin
45. “It’s better to move forward than stay stuck in the past.” – Chloe Decker
46. “We need the most love when we’re being most unlovable.” – Amenadiel
47. “We all need someone to have our backs every now and then.” – Dan Espinoza
48. “If you go looking for loopholes, you’ll always find them.” – Chloe Decker
49. “Self-worth comes from within, bitches.” – Mazikeen Smith
50. “What makes us vulnerable is often right under our noses.” – Lucifer Morningstar
51. “The best way to be first is to know it’ll happen beforehand.” – Lucifer Morningstar
52. “Sometimes we get along best with the people we’re most different from.” – Chloe Decker
53. “Guilt is such a useless emotion.” – Lucifer Morningstar
54. “Whenever I’m procrastinating on something, I make an appointment for myself to do it. That way, can’t back out. Like, for example, when I had to ask my landlord permission to get Bob, literally put it on my calendar.” – Ella Lopez
55. “Anybody worth dating should understand everything that makes you you.” – Eve
56. “The most evil of people have the most normal names, I’ve experienced. Beware anyone named Keith.” – Lucifer Morningstar
57. “My mum’s going to kill me, and before you say it, that’s not a metaphor. She’s literally going to kill me. She’s not the forgiving type.” – Lucifer Morningstar
58. “Oh, right. The Eve, from the Garden of Eden. I mean, I am carrying an angel baby. I guess this is just a normal Tuesday for me now.” – Linda Martin
59. “No, of course not. I detest the little creatures, and I’d certainly never put one in my mouth.” – Lucifer Morningstar
60. “Always gratifying to find out that one’s nemesis is altogether lacking in style.” – Lucifer Morningstar
61. “I can’t go downstairs, Detective. Between my sunglasses, scarf, and gloves, I’ll look like on a snow day.” – Lucifer Morningstar
62. “You know, if you spent as much time appealing to suspects as you do annoying me, things might go a lot faster.” – Chloe Decker
63. Amenadiel: “Linda’s not really prepared for a house guest.”
Mazikeen Smith: “This is happening, okay? Deal with it. Auntie Maze is here to help with the baby whether you like it or not.”
Linda Martin: “Auntie Maze, I love it. We can use all the help we can get.”
Mazikeen Smith: “Good. It’s settled. Now, where do I put my knives?”
64. “Yeah, well, our Father’s been disrespecting me since the beginning of time, so pot-kettle, don’t you think?” – Lucifer Morningstar
65. “I love LA. Even the homeless have an IMDB page.” – Lucifer Morningstar
66. “Children are hideous little creatures. Terrible, taxing burdens.” – Lucifer Morningstar
67. “They eat, darling. All they do is eat, and then afterward, the food comes out changed and not for the better.” – Charlotte Richards
68. “Nothing pisses God off more than exercising free will.” – Lucifer Morningstar
69. “One man’s trash is a forensic scientist’s treasure.” – Ella Lopez
70. “No, it’s ‘Puff, puff, pass,’ not ‘Puff, puff, stomp angrily.'” – Lucifer Morningstar
71. “If you go by someone else’s pace, it shows how much you really care.” – Mazikeen Smith
72. “But I never told you what I want. I want you. All in. The whole deal. So there.” – Dan Espinoza
73. “If you choose to be vulnerable around me, then I choose to be vulnerable around you.” – Chloe Decker
74. “I would never ask you to change. I like who you are.” – Mazikeen Smith
75. “All those times you ran away, you weren’t running from them. You were running towards me.” – Lucifer Morningstar
76. “I miss him. I mean, he pisses me off all the time, and there are so many things about him that, that I find hard to accept, but I just have to believe I can find a way because I’d rather have him in my life than not.” – Chloe Decker
77. “No. No, no, no. See, this is. This is what I meant, Lucifer, when I. You can’t leave me. Listen, I’m so sorry that, how I acted when I first saw your face, I, it was stupid and, please. Please don’t go. I, I love you. I love you! Please don’t leave.” – Chloe Decker
78. “Detective. You threw yourself onto me. You were willing to sacrifice yourself to save me.” – Lucifer Morningstar
79. “To be judged for my own doing, and for that? I’ve been shown how truly powerless I am. That even the people I trusted, the one person, you, could be used to hurt me.” – Lucifer Morningstar
80. “You see, we were wrong about something else in the prophecy. My first love was never Eve. It was you, Chloe. It always has been.” – Lucifer Morningstar
81. “Just because I’m about to slaughter a man in cold blood doesn’t mean I’m not civilized.” – Lucifer Morningstar
82. “Ah, well, no need to thank me for my heroism. Well, maybe just a little. No one’s stopping you.” – Lucifer Morningstar
83. “There was immediate danger. He was about to leave this woman completely unsatisfied.” – Lucifer Morningstar
84. “Immortality? Mm. Of course. Uh, you spell that with one or two ‘m’s?’ I always forget.” – Chloe Decker
85. “Sorry if it’s a bit chilly. Most people think I burn hot. It’s actually quite the opposite.” – Lucifer Morningstar
86. “Hanging out with a cop in Las Vegas is like bringing your to an orgy.” – Lucifer Morningstar
87. “Well, that is a shame ’cause you and my backside used to get on very well.” – Lucifer Morningstar
88. “If it were that easy to kill me, I’d have been dead a long time ago!” – Marcus Pierce
89. “You are the oldest, young person I’ve ever met! And coming from an immortal, that’s saying something.” – Lucifer Morningstar
90. “Look, people like you, they find you helpful, like duct tape or a trusty socket wrench.” – Lucifer Morningstar
91. “The Devil gets burned by fire. Could this be any more ironic?” – Lucifer Morningstar
92. “Dr. Linda’s had a crash course in celestial beings. Only melted her brain for about a week.” – Lucifer Morningstar
93. “If I wanted to attend an art class, I would have at least had the sense to take one with a nude model.” – Lucifer Morningstar
94. “I don’t understand why humans waste so much time resisting their desires. A rehabilitation center for drugs and sex.” – Lucifer Morningstar
95. “Well, maybe, it’s like butt stuff. Easier the second time around.” – Lucifer Morningstar
96. “What happens in Heaven stays in Heaven.” – Lucifer Morningstar
97. “We might not always understand it, but God has a plan.” – Father Frank
98. “The good news is that whilst all dogs go to heaven, you’d be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in Hell.” – Lucifer Morningstar
99. “The road to Hell really is paved with bad acne-prone intentions.” – Lucifer Morningstar
100. “Cosmos are yummy.” – Amenadiel
101. “Only for torture, and usually out of tune. Lately, we’ve been playing music by this chap named Bieber. Gosh, you should hear the screams.” – Lucifer Morningstar
102. “Where do I begin? With the grandest fall in the history of time? Or perhaps the far more agonizing punishment that followed? To be blamed for every morsel of evil humanity’s endured, every atrocity committed in my name?” – Lucifer Morningstar
103. “Those wings out there in the human world, Luci, they’re too powerful. a piece of divinity.” – Amenadiel
104. “It’s really not a good day for your Luciferness.” – Chloe Decker
105. “The Devil usually has impeccable gaydar.” – Lucifer Morningstar
106. “You people misunderstand me. You call me ‘Satan’ and ‘Devil,’ but do you know my crime? I loved God too much. And for that, he me—punished me. Just as he’s punished you. After all, how could God stand idly by while that man broke into your home and butchered your family in their beds? There are only two rational answers, Nick—either, he’s sadistic, or he simply doesn’t care.” – Lucifer Morningstar
107. “We’re going to kill each other, and for what? One of Dad’s tests, and we don’t even know the answer. We’re brothers. Let’s just walk off the chessboard.” – Lucifer Morningstar
108. “I refuse to be a scapegoat for which something I bear no responsibility. It’s a theme in my life.” – Lucifer Morningstar
109. Lucifer Morningstar: “I am here because I’m the King of Hell. This is my job. This is my duty.”
Lee Garner: “Now, who’s making excuses?”
110. “As though I wanted people to suffer. All I ever wanted was to be my own man here.” – Lucifer Morningstar
111. “You sure you don’t want to chase after her? Maybe, I can ask Father for some rain and make it a moment.” – Amenadiel
112. “Boring people never like to be told they’re dull. Right, Detective?” – Lucifer Morningstar
113. “You know, joining each other at crime scenes, bantering over dead bodies, and where does that leave you, right?” – Ella Lopez
114. “I’m trying to say this from a constructive place. I can feel your negative vibrations from across the room, man.” – Dan Espinoza
115. “I find that people make Los Angeles their home for one of two reasons. Either they’re running from something or looking for something.” – Linda Martin
116. “Trust me. A church confessional has nothing compared to pillow talk.” – Lucifer Morningstar
117. “You see, what I hate more than anything is a liar—a charlatan. Someone who doesn’t believe in what they say.” – Lucifer Morningstar
118. “Classic Chloe. Only you would make a point of remembering the exact amount of time you can’t remember.” – Dan Espinoza
119. “Just, whenever you’re faced with a choice, ask yourself the question: WWLD? What would Lucifer do?” – Lucifer Morningstar
120. “You don’t save a marriage by sleeping with other people.” – Chloe Decker
121. “Well, who wouldn’t want to be with their greatest desire?” – Amenadiel
122. “There’s a good chance this thing might come out of me with wings. Wings!” – Linda Martin
123. “Why don’t you tell me something? How did she end up dying in a hailstorm of bullets, and you get away without a scratch? I think that’s interesting, don’t you?” – Chloe Decker
124. “It doesn’t matter if you’re a sinner. It doesn’t matter if you’re a saint. Nobody wins, so what’s the point?” – Lucifer Morningstar
125. “I talked a lot, okay? I know that. But most people seem to like it, okay? And what’s more important is I like it.” – Ella Lopez
126. “I guess humanity isn’t entirely awful. They did make vodka, roller coasters, triple crème brie.” – Charlotte Richards
127. “My life imploded because of you. My marriage, my job, my snacks. I know you ate my pudding. It was labeled!” – Dan Espinoza
128. “Sometimes you have to accept when someone doesn’t feel the same way about you.” – Mazikeen Smith
129. “No offense, brother, but on the list of things I’d like to wake up to, your face falls somewhere after a horse’s head and Coldplay tickets.” – Lucifer Morningstar
130. “If it makes you comfy, you could call me God.” – Lucifer Morningstar
131. “The danger of getting hurt is positively thrilling. Fun with mortality? Bring it.” – Lucifer Morningstar
132. “That tingling sensation running up your spine—inevitability. And the bit running down your leg—fear.” – Lucifer Morningstar
133. “I got paid as a bounty hunter. Hunting humans is a job! Who knew?” – Mazikeen Smith
134. “Hey. No one insults my family except for me.” – Ella Lopez
135. “I’m great at dismembering humans. How hard can it be to fix one?” – Mazikeen Smith
136. “No rest for the soulless.” – Mazikeen Smith
137. “You know, I never understood you, pagans. You’re such petty, little things. Always fighting. Always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You’re worse than demons, and yet you claim to be Gods, and they call me prideful.” – Lucifer Morningstar
138. “Lucifer, he does this. He notices things that normal people are too normal to notice.” – Chloe Decker
139. “I was a son. A brother, like you. A younger brother and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact, and one day, I went to him, and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael, Michael turned on me, called me a freak. A monster, and then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam, any of this sound familiar?” – Lucifer Morningstar
140. “We’re similar in a lot of ways, aren’t we, Burt? Except for one. You’re a bad man, and I’m not. I’m much, much worse than that.” – Lucifer Morningstar
141. “Take a swing, and I’ll shove that so far up your ass, you’ll have splinters in your stool.” – Lucifer Morningstar
142. Linda Martin: “You were right. He’s not safe. You need to take him.”
Amenadiel: “No. No one will sacrifice themselves for this baby the way that you were just willing to do. No one will protect him like we will.”
143. “Not much. Just that he seems like a really scary, powerful guy.” – Lee Garner
144. “This poor sap’s either already in Hell or in the Silver City, enduring Uriel’s welcome speech, which is far worse than Hell if you ask me.” – Lucifer Morningstar
145. “A wrestling match inside your noggin? I like the idea. Just you and me, one round? No tricks. You win, you jump in the hole. I win. Well, then I win. What do you say, Sam? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I’m better than you.” – Lucifer Morningstar
146. “Now, tell me, what is it that you truly desire?” – Lucifer Morningstar
147. “Hey! No one calls my skank a skank.” – Mazikeen Smith
148. “Mmm, dangerous. Lucifer likes.” – Lucifer Morningstar
149. “Doing what’s best for your child, it doesn’t always make them happy.” – Chloe Decker
150. “When in doubt, go with the classics. That’s what I always say.” – Lucifer Morningstar
151. “Goodness isn’t a toy.” – Linda Martin
152. “You realize what you just did? You just ruined a perfectly good Burberry.” – Lucifer Morningstar
153. “Consider me an emotional jockstrap for the Decker family jewels.” – Lucifer Morningstar
154. “You don’t quit when you’re doing God’s work.” – Charlotte Richards
155. “What’s the point of extorting and murdering if you don’t get to do what you desire?” – Lucifer Morningstar
156. “Hail to the King, baby.” – Lucifer Morningstar
157. “Pull yourself together. You look like a homeless magician!” – Chloe Decker
158. “Never fear, Luci-Dan is here.” – Lucifer Morningstar
159. “Ah, the diamond industry. Truly the greatest trick someone other than me played on the world. Thousands of dollars for lumps of old coal.” – Lucifer Morningstar
160. “Welcome to the club of parental deceit, child. It’s a lonely place, but that’s the price of being clever.” – Lucifer Morningstar
161. “Miracles aren’t my thing, but I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.” – Lucifer Morningstar
162. “Vatican investigator? Sounds like a soon-to-be-canceled TV show.” – Lucifer Morningstar
163. “Just realized I’ve been a tad myopic lately. Why not spread the love? I mean, everyone deserves a little Lucifer.” – Lucifer Morningstar
164. “When the Devil walks the earth and meets his first love means you consider me to be your first love. Ergo! You love me.” – Eve
165. “Candy, darling, this is my mother. Mum, this is Candy, my wife. I’m sorry that we didn’t invite you to the wedding. We just decided no enemies.” – Lucifer Morningstar
166. “You can’t lie to me. I see it all. How odd you always felt. How out of place in that family of yours, and why shouldn’t you have? They were foster care, at best! I’m your real family.” – Lucifer Morningstar
167. “Typical Vegas. Even the suicides are fake.” – Lucifer Morningstar
168. Lucifer Morningstar: “I don’t want you to see me like this. I know it scares you.”
Chloe Decker: “No, that’s, that’s what I was trying to tell you. I’m not. I’m not afraid of you anymore.”
Lucifer Morningstar: “You’re not?”
169. “I thought, since I’ll never likely penetrate you, I’d commemorate the one time you penetrated me.” – Lucifer Morningstar
170. “All my time with Dr. Linda has been about exploring the denial that I’m in, but I’ve overcome that now, I’ve had an honest-to-Devil epiphany. Now, all my problems should just, you know, go away.” – Lucifer Morningstar
171. “Lucifer’s not another guy. He’s a weirdo.” – Chloe Decker
172. “As any parent knows, the best time to get things done is when everyone else is asleep.” – Chloe Decker
173. “I want you to teach me your secret. I want you to show me how to be a tool.” – Lucifer Morningstar
174. “Detective Decker is out there protecting them. She is truly good.” – Lucifer Morningstar
175. “What about the name Zoriel? That’s a good name for a . We can call him Zori for short. Or Ezekiel, Zek.” – Amenadiel
176. “Is everything all right, Detective? You seem distracted. Usually, I get at least a glimmer of a smile from my remarks, the occasional eye roll. I think I got a snort once.” – Lucifer Morningstar
177. “My name’s Beatrice, but everybody calls me Trixie.” – Trixie Decker
178. “If you really want to know if you’re a worthy romantic partner, ask yourself.” – Amenadiel
179. “Dealing with mortality was so much easier when I was just another clueless idiot. Being a celestial insider really sucks.” – Linda Martin
