And don’t forget to check out these .

1. “They’re not gonna catch us. We’re on a mission from God.” – Elwood Blues

2. “You are such a disappointing pair. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom I raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves, with filthy mouths and bad attitudes.” – Sister Mary Stigmata

3. “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses.” – Elwood Blues

4. “We’re so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois’s law enforcement community who have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time.” – Elwood Blues

5. “I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with 300 friends and relatives in attendance.” – Mystery Woman

6. “The salads are fine. It’s just that we’d like to move to another table, away from those two gentlemen. Frankly, they are offensive-smelling. I mean, they smell bad.” – Elwood Blues

7. “They look like they’re from the CIA or somethin.’” – Mrs. Murphy

8. “First, you trade the Cadillac for a microphone, then you lie to me about the band, and now you’re gonna put me right back in the joint!” – Jake Blues

9. “This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect City police auction last spring. It’s an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving them away.” – Elwood Blues

10. Reverend Cleophus James: “Have you seen the light?”

Jake Blues: “Yes, yes, Jesus H. God tap-dancing Christ. I have seen the light!”

11. “How much for the little girls? How much for the women? I want to buy your women. Sell me your children.” – Jake Blues

12. “Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not be that easy, Jake.” – Elwood Blues

13. “They’re not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.” – Jake Blues

14. Jake Blues: “Bring me four fried chickens and a coke.”

Mrs. Murphy: “You want chicken wings or chicken legs?”

Jake Blues: “Four fried chickens and a coke.” 

15. “You can’t lie to a nun, Jake. We’re gonna go in, and see the penguin.” – Elwood Blues

16. “Illinois Nazis? I hate Illinois Nazis.” – Jake Blues

17. “Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don’t fail me now.” – Elwood Blues

18. “One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic. One ‘soiled.’ One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat, black. One pair of sunglasses. $23.07. Sign here.” – Corrections Officer

19. “Oh, please, don’t kill us. Please, please don’t kill us. You know I love you, baby. I wouldn’t leave ya. It wasn’t my fault.” – Jake Blues

20. “This don’t look like no expressway to me!” – Jake Blues

21. “It’s good to see you, sweetheart.” – Jake Blues

22. “We need $5000 bucks fast!” – Jake Blues

23. “Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you.” – Elwood Blues

24. Elwood Blues: “Have you got any white bread? I’ll have some toasted white bread please.”

Mrs. Murphy: “You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?”

Elwood Blues: “No ma’am, dry.” 

25. “I gotta quit, I’m gonna become a priest.” – Elwood Blues

26. “Don’t you blasphemy in here, don’t you blasphemy in here! You’re gonna walk out of here without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens. And without Matt ‘Guitar’ Murphy.”

– Mrs. Murphy

27. “Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can’t ya offer some constructive criticism?” – Elwood Blues

28. “Well, the Sister was right. You boys could use a little churching up. Slide on down to the Triple Rock, and catch Reverend Cleophus. You boys listen to what he’s got to say.” – Curtis

29. “The band? The band.” – Jake Blues

30. “Did ya get my cheez whiz, boy?” – Old Man

31. “It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?” – Elwood Blues

32. “No, I didn’t. Honest. I ran out of gas. I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locus. It wasn’t my fault. I swear to God!” – Jake Blues

33. “Well, thank you, pal. The day I get out of prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car.” – Jake Blues

34. “A microphone? Okay, I can see that. But, what the hell is this?” – Jake Blues

35. “We got two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.” – Mrs. Murphy

36. “Guess you’re really up shit creek then.” – Jake Blues

37. “My hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, , my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.” – Mystery Woman

38. “You promised you’d visit the Penguin the day you got out.” – Elwood Blues

39. “Man, I haven’t been pulled over in six months. I bet those cops have got ‘SCMODS.’”

40. “You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma’am?” – Elwood Blues

41. “The Blues Brothers. It should read ‘Tonight Only: The Blues Brothers’ triumphant return.’” – Jake Blues

42. “This is glue—strong stuff.” – Elwood Blues

43. “Two thousand bucks and it’s yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I’ll throw in the black keys for free.” – Ray Charles

44. “As usual, I’ll have to take an I.O.U.” – Ray Charles

45. Jake Blues: “If you say no, Elwood and I will come here for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of the week.” 

Mr. Fabulous: “Okay, okay. I’ll play. You got me.”

Quotes From The Blues Brothers That Will Make You Scoff

46. “This car. This stupid car. Where’s the Cadillac?” – Jake Blues

47. “Well, Jake, you look just fine down there, slithering in the mud like vermin.” – Mystery Woman

48. “You want out of this parking lot? Okay!” – Elwood Blues

49. “How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hot Rodder? Those cops have your name, your address.” – Jake Blues

50. “Curtis, I don’t want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about Heaven and Hell.” – Jake Blues

51. “It wasn’t a lie, it was just bullshit.” – Elwood Blues

52. “That ain’t no Hank Williams song. Rawhide!” – Bob

53. “Oh yeah? Well, me and the Lord, we have an understanding.” – Jake Blues

54. “At least we got a change of clothes, sucker. You’re wearing the same shit you had on three years ago.” – Willie Hall

55. “Don’t you ‘Don’t get riled, sugar’ me! You ain’t goin’ back on the road no more, and you ain’t playin’ them ol’ two-bit sleazy dives. You’re livin’ with me now, and you not gonna go slidin’ around witcho ol’ white hoodlum friends.” – Mrs. Murphy

56. “You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.” – Mystery Woman

57. “I’m gonna catch that sucker, if it’s the last thing I ever do.” – Cop

58. “No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!” – Sister Mary Stigmata

59. “So, Jake, you’re out, you’re free, you’re rehabilitated. What’s next? What’s happenin’? What you gonna do? You got the money you owe us, motherfucker?” – Willie Hall

60. “Get out, and don’t come back until you’ve redeemed yourselves.” – Sister Mary Stigmata

The Blues Brothers Quotes That You Will Find Amusing

61. “The use of excessive violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers has been approved.” – Cop

62. “Who wants an orange whip? Orange w-hip? Orange w-hip? Three orange whips.” – Burton Mercer 

63. “Yeah, lots of space in this mall.” – Elwood Blues

64. Jake Blues: “So far we’ve covered all of Lake, McHenry, and part of DuPage County.”

Elwood Blues: “Good, let’s get to the gig.”

65. “They don’t have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.” – Elwood Blues

66. “We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.” – Donald Dunn

67. Jake Blues: “You traded the Bluesmobile for this?”

Elwood: “No, for a microphone.” 

68. “Hold it, hold it. Tomorrow night? What are you talking about? A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.” – Maury Sline 

69. “Pardon me, but we have a strict policy concerning the handling of the instruments. An employee of Ray’s Music Exchange must be present. Now, may I help you?” – Ray Charles

70. “Look at you, in those candy-ass monkey suits. And I thought I had it bad in Joliet.” – Jake Blues

71. “Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.” – Murphy Dunne

72. “Fix the cigarette lighter.” – Jake Blues

73. “Everybody needs somebody to love.” – The Blues Brothers

74. “That’s right, $200 and you boys drank $300 worth of beer.” – Bob

75. “You refused to take our money.” – Jake Blues

76. “Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That’s the best in the city of Chicago.” – Ray Charles

77. “This place has got everything.” – Jake Blues

78. “No sir, Mayor Daley no longer dines here. He’s dead sir.” – Mr. Fabulous

79. “We’d be alright if we could just get back on the expressway.” – Elwood Blues

80. “The new Oldsmobiles are in early this year.” – Elwood Blues

81. “Excuse me! Did you see two guys come through here, black suits, black hats, one carrying a briefcase?” – SWAT Team Commander

82. Elwood Blues: “What kind of music do you usually have here at Bob’s Country Bunker?”

Claire: “Oh, we got both kinds. We got country and western.”

83. “Forget it. No chance.” – Mr. Fabulous

84. “Christ, Jake. Take it easy man.” – Elwood Blues

85. Jake Blues: “How often does the train run by here?”

Elwood Blues: “So often, you won’t even notice.”

86. “Hey, Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here.” – Elwood Blues

87. “We do sincerely hope that you all enjoy the show and please remember people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive. There are still some things that make us all the same—you, me, them. Everybody! Everybody!” – Elwood Blues

88. “This money is for the year’s assessment of Saint Helen of the Blessed Shroud Orphanage in Calumet City, Illinois.” – Elwood Blues

89. “I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.” – Elwood Blues

90. “People, when you do find that special somebody, you gotta hold that man, hold that woman! Love him, please him, squeeze her, please her! Signify your feelings with every gentle caress, because it’s so important to have that special somebody to hold, to kiss, to miss, to squeeze, and please!” – Elwood Blues

91. “Hit it.” – Jake Blues

92. “Welcome, from Calumet City, Illinois—the showband of Joliet Jake and Elwood Blues: The Blues Brothers.” – Cab Calloway

93. “Five grand? Who do you think you are, the Beatles?” – Maury Sline

94. “We’re the Good Ole’ Blues Brothers band from Chicago.” – Elwood Blues

95. “My name is Jacob Stein. I’m from the American Federation of Music. I’ve been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.” – Jake Blues

96. “Sir, where is the office of the assessor of Cook County?” – Elwood Blues

97. Mrs. Tarantino: “Are you the police?”

Elwood Blues: “No, ma’am. We’re musicians.”

98. “Hi, we’re in Car 55, and we’re in a truck.” – John Candy

99. “It’s used. There’s no action left in that keyboard.” – Band Member



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