1. “You don’t have what they call ‘the social skills.’ That’s why you never have any friends, except for yo’ mama.” – Mama Boucher
2. “Excuse me, ladies, while I just go hang myself.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
3. Mama’ Boucher: “Bobby, they ever catch that gorilla that busted out at the zoo and punched you in the eye?”
Bobby’ Boucher Jr.: “No Mama, the search continues.”
4. “No son of mine is gonna play any foosball.” – Mama Boucher
5. “Seein? I see a lot of girls. I see a lot of guys too.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
6. Bobby Boucher Jr.: “Mama, when did Ben Franklin invent electricity?”
Mama Boucher: “That’s nonsense. I invented electricity. Ben Franklin is the Devil!”
7. “Everything is the Devil to you, Mama. Well, I like school, and I like football. And I’m gonna keep doin’ them both because they make me feel good.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
8. “Gatorade not only quenches your thirst better, it tastes better too, idiot.” – Coach Klein
9. “Bobby, can you do that for me every game?” – Coach Klein
10. “Mama say that happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you feelin’ blue.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
Related:
11. “Mama not a fan of restaurants, or, of, of, of me, goin’ to one, but, but, but if you like, sometimes, on a Sunday afternoon, with charcoal bi-biscuits and a grill.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
12. “Bobby Boucher, what did Mama tell you about girls!” – Mama Boucher
13. “Mama, I gotta read this book and six other books tonight, or else I can’t play football.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
14. “And I like Vicki, and she like me back! And she showed me her boobies, and I like them too!” – Bobbie Boucher Jr.
15. “It’s the Devil.” – Mama Boucher
16. “I think that’s sexy. You ever been with a guy and a girl at the same time?” – Rita
17. “Well, Bobby Boucher, welcome to manhood. I’ll make sure to welcome you properly later.” – Vicki Vallencourt
18. “You can do it. Cut his f*ck*ng head off!” – Townie
19. “No, Colonel Sanders. You’re wrong—Mama’s right.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
20. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
21. “Are men supposed to wear pajamas featuring a cartoon character by the name of Deputy Dawg?” – Mama Boucher
22. “Now, that’s what I call high-quality H2O.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
23. “Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime, and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
24. “Captain Insano shows no mercy.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
25. Bobby Boucher Jr.: “No. You people drinkin’ the wrong water.”
Coach Klein: “Gatorade.”
Bobby Boucher Jr.: “H2O.”
Coach Klein: “Gatorade.”
Related:
26. “Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?” – Derek Wallace
27. Paco: “Look at Bobby tackle. I haven’t seen a tackle like that since Joe Montana.”
Walter: “Joe Montana was a quarterback, you idiot.”
Paco: “I said Joe Mantegna.”
28. “Everybody already is laughing at us. We haven’t won a game since 1994.” – Lyle Robideaux
29. “I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with, with charm, athletic ability, or a fully functional brain. You see, you’re an inspiration to all of us who, who weren’t born handsome, and charming, and cool, and, and—.” – Paco
30. “Now you go on, have some fun becoming a man.” – Mama Boucher
31. “Well, folks, Mama’s wrong again.” – Professor
32. “Look who’s on TV, Mama—it’s the Devil.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
33. “School? You’re going to school? Aaaah!” – Mama Boucher
34. “Which brings me to my second point, kids. Don’t do crack.” – Lawrence Taylor
35. “Needledick, Needledick, Needledick.” – Guy Grenouille
36. “I am not telling you to go on a shooting rampage!” – Coach Klein
37. “I don’t believe in that sort of thing, personally. Astrology is one of the many tools of the devil.” – Mama Boucher
38. “Water sucks. Gatorade is better.” – Coach Klein
39. “The medulla oblongata is where anger, jealousy, and aggression come from. Now, is there anybody here who can tell me where happiness comes from? Anyone? All right, let’s hear what Mama has to say on the subject.” – Professor
40. “Foosball? You playin’ the ‘foolsball’ behind my back?!” – Mama Boucher
Related:
41. Bobby Boucher Jr.: “Mama, something bad happened today.”
Mama Boucher: “Did somebody hurt you, my boy? Who hurt you? You tell Mama who hurt you!”
42. “Once again, I’m not quite sure what that means.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
43. “Well, ya better do something. You gotta stick up for yourself, Bobby.” – Coach Klein
44. “Sorry. Will you please still be my friend?” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
45. “It is imperative that you allow me to be your waterboy.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
46. “Nice hit, Mama.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
47. “Yes, yes, that is another first for me. And I appreciate what you’re showing me right now.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
48. “Bobby? It’s me! Your dad! Roberto!” – Roberto
49. “You come into Mama’s bedroom. Mama will brush your hair.” – Mama Boucher
50. “Powerbomb, compliments of Captain Insano.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
51. Bobby Boucher Jr.: “You do not have to, have to pay me. I-I will do it for free. Just promise me that you will never distribute the contents of that jug to any human person.”
Coach Klein: “That’s a deal.”
52. “He poked me in the eye!” – Casey Bugge
53. “Coach, not only will I do it for you, I-I-I-yes, yes, I’ll do it for you.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
54. “This is good. This is much better than what I serve.” – Coach Klein
55. “The hell with school, dopey! Take the money! You and me can be partners! Just like that and his dad! Uh-oh.” – Roberto
Related:
56. “Ma-ma-m-m-mama said.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
57. “Hey Walter! I bet you fifty bucks Guy Grenouille throws a touchdown pass on the first play. Check it out!” – Paco
58. “But what about the finely tuned athletic machine?” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
59. “Somethin’ wrong with his medulla oblongata.” – Professor
60. “Sixty-two, sixty-two, there you are!” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
61. Mama Boucher: “I don’t ever want you associating with little girls.”
Young Bobby Boucher Jr.: “Why not Mama?”
Mama Boucher: “Because little girls are the Devil!”
62. “Slap hands, slap hands!” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
63. “Well, basically, a snake don’t have parts. But, if I had to call it anything, uh, I would say it’s his knee.” – Mama Boucher
64. “Let’s kick some names and take some ass.” – Walter
65. “The waterboy just needed some water!” – ESPN Announcer
66. Mama Boucher: “You gonna lose all your fancy ‘foolsballs’ games! And you’re gonna fail your big exam! Because school is—.”
Bobby Boucher Jr.: “The Devil?”
67. “I got something for you. This is his transcript from South Lafayette High School in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. Now, the problem with that is there ain’t no South Lafayette High School in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. So obviously, this is a fake! However, this is not a fake. This is from the NCAA. They don’t think you ought to play football no more. So, allow me to say this to you one more time—you’re fired.” – Coach Red Beaulieu
68. “The only reason I’m doing this is so I can go to school.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
69. “You said it was gonna be a touchdown pass, you crazy asshole!” – Walter
70. “You can do it, you can do it all night long.” – Townie
71. “I wasn’t gonna do nothin’, coach.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
72. Vicki: “Bobby, you want me to go to a barbecue with you?”
Bobby Boucher Jr.: “Yes, yes, that’s it.”
73. “You gonna add another championship trophy to the old case downstairs?” – Lynn Swann
74. “So, that’s what opening up a can of whoop-ass feels like.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
75. “Stop makin’ fun of me!” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
76. “Foosball? Bunch of overgrown monsters man-handlin’ each other. ‘Member when that man wanted you to play foosball, Bobby?” – Mama Boucher
77. “Yeah, that was pretty funny. How ’bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville and threw him into the stands?” – Lyle Robideaux
78. “Son, you just opened up a whole case of whoop-ass.” – Coach Klein
79. “Oh no! We suck again!” – Townie
80. “Good luck on the upcoming play.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
81. “Nice going, sh*th**d. You lost us the football game.” – Guy Grenouille
82. “I don’t want that loser on the team. Everybody’s gonna laugh at us.” –Guy Grenouille
83. “No, get away from me.” – Guy Grenouille
84. “Smells like you need a shower, stinky!” – Greg Meany
85. “Hey, moron. Hey. Moron. Duh. L-L-Look at me. I’m th-th-the waterboy. Duh. I got a wooden spoon. Duh.” – Guy Grenouille
Other The Waterboy Quotes When You Need Some Laughs
81. “Y’all remember the time he intercepted the ball, and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare ass?” – Guy Grenouille
82. “Is there a girl you’re seein’?” – Rita
83. “That’s kinda like my old man told me one time, Lynn. The only thing better than a crawfish dinner is five crawfish dinners.” – Coach Red Beaulieu
84. “Who’s your favorite wrestler?” – Coach Klein
85. “I’ll be playing with your Mama tonight.” – West Mississippi Lineman
86. “Water sucks. It really, really sucks. Water sucks.” – Coach Klein
87. “Oh yea, plenty of times. The other night, I was with my Mama and Coach Klein at the same time.” – Bobby Boucher Jr.
88. “Now, is there anyone here that can tell me why most alligators are abnormally aggressive? Anybody? Anyone? Yes, sir. You, sir.” – Professor
89. “Nice suit.” – Coach Klein
