Start reading here.

And don’t forget to check out these and .

1. “I saw a bum here. I saw a bum here, there were two bums actually. And I said to myself, ‘Let’s talk to these guys about the Gospel.’”

2. “My life is good, really good. I get to wake up every morning, 5 AM. Make some soup! It’s the best! I love it.”

3. “I am the gatekeeper to my own destiny and I will have my glory day in the hot sun.” 

4. “I’m not listening to you! You only believe in Science. That’s probably why we never win.”

5. “Don’t you want a little taste of the glory? See what it tastes like?” 

6. “I mean, yes! They may have the appearance of riches. Beneath the clothes, we find a man. And beneath the man, we find his nucleus.” 

7. “They don’t think I know a butt load of crap about the gospel. But I do. Okay?” 

8. “But sister, they are just ninos trying to release their wiggles.” 

9. “I’m a little concerned right now about your salvation and stuff.”

10. “You gotta be kidding me. Everything you just said is my favorite thing to do, every day!”

11. “Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room.”

12. “I don’t see them. They should be coming back.” 

13. “Be grateful, Juan Pablo. Today is especially delicious.” 

14. “Okay, orphans! Listen to Ignacio. I know it is fun to wrestle. A nice pile drive to the face or a punch to the face, but you cannot do it. Because it is in the Bible not to wrestle your neighbor.”

15. “I thought you hated all the orphans in the whole world.”

16. “Do you remember when everyone was shouting my name, and I used my strength to rip my blouse.”

17. “When the fantasy has ended, and all the children are gone, something good inside of me helps me to carry on.”

18. “It sucks to be me right now!”

19. “I looked like a fool last night. What took you so long!?”

20. “It was stinky. But these are my recreational clothes.”

21. “If you fight for something noble, or for someone who needs your help, only then will God bless you in battle.”

22. “Oh, you messed with the wrong guy this time!”

23. “Would you like to join me in my quarters this evening for some toast?”

24. “This man lived a good life. He had a wonderful woman, a lush garden and a collection of Russian nesting dolls. May he rest in peace.”

25. “Ever seen these moves?”

26. “Get that corn outta my face!”

27. “I don’t like the way those guys looked at you.”

28. “Precious Father, why have you given me this desire to wrestle and then made me such a stinky warrior?”

29. “This is the worst lunch I ever had.” 

30. “I don’t want to get paid to lose! I wanna win!”

31. “Everyone is dancing at the party, but Ramses is not dancing at the party!” 

32. “I get to lay in a bed by myself, all of my life. It’s fantastic.”

33. “Tonight, I will fight the seven strongest men in town, maybe the world. And I will win because our heavenly father will be in the ring with me. And he and I will win 10,000 pesos.”

34. “Did you not tell them they were the Lord’s chips?”

35. “I don’t believe in God. I believe in science!”

36. “They gave me no nutrients!”

37. “Hey! Take it easy!”

38. “How come you think? I used to really like Ramses. I wanted to become him!”

39. “Okay. Maybe I am not meant for these duties. Cooking duty. Dead guy duty. Maybe it’s time for me to get a better duty!”

40. “Do you not realize I have had diarrhea since Easters?!”

41. “Those men fight for vanity, for money, for false pride.” 

42. “In order for you to become empowered by the eagle, you must climb that cliff, find the egg, crack open one of them, and then eat the yolk.”

43. “But tonight, we’re going up against Satan’s Cavemen and I thought it would be a good idea if you stand next to Esqueleto and push his head in the bowl which comes back up quickly. Praise the Lord!”

44. “You son of a bitch! So what, I’m only a wrestler. I hope you have Ramsey’s seat on your face until eagle eggs come out!”

45. “You gave them permission to hurt me like this.”

46. “My favorite color is light tan. My favorite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord, hiking, playing volleyball.” 

47. “No, Chancho, I would never leave you. I just need some sweats.”

48. “How did you find me in the wilderness?”

49. “My father was a deacon in Mexico, and my mother a Lutheran missionary from Scandinavia.”

50. “Wrestling is ungodly, Ignacio. People cheer for him and he is a false idol.”

51. “I need professional help. I need Ramses!. He’s the baist. I must learn his hwaaaays.”

52. “Save me a piece of that corn for later.”

53. “It is true. I am Nacho. Maybe you have seen me on TV. Nachoooooooo!”

54. “But it turns out, he’s a real douche.”

55. “Hey! Can’t you see this woman’s a nun? And if you have a problem with that, then you can just fight me.”

56. “They tried to convert each other, but got married instead. Then they died.”

57. “Some people say wrestlers make bad lovers, that they save themselves for the ring. Love you.”

58. “People might get the wrong idea about you, like maybe you are a floozy.”

59. “Have you ever had feelings for a nun?”

60. “I like your cow.”

61. “Jesse, I owe you 4.99 plus tax.”

62. “Your hands! They are greasy!”

63. “Leftovers. Enjoy.”

64. “I am singing at this party.”

65. “Eagle powers come to me please.”

66. “Those eggs were a lie, Esqueleto. A lie! They give me no eagle powers! They give me no nutrients!”

67. “So, what you’re saying to me is if I can eat this yolk, my moves will become the best in the whole world.”

68. “So anyways, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.”

69. “You can take the stallion, I’ll take the pony.”

70. “Ramses’ number one he knows the secret of desire. Ramses is the one, he puts the people all on fire.”

71. “Where are the cheeps?”

72. “Let go of my blouse.”

73. “Those guys were a couple of woosies, eh.”

74. “It’s for fun!”

75. “Somebody stole them.”

76. “You are crasssssy!”

77. “But you’re tall and fast like a gazelle, you can do it. Pray to the Lord for strength.”

78. “I have been here. I have been sleeping.”

79. “See that guy over there? That is Senior Ramon, he owns all the big arenas. We need to show him that we mean business. That we are ready for the ‘big leagues.’”

80. “Say it to my face!”

81. “And over there in the tree, is a chipmunk nest. And that right there, is our corn, best in the city, it’s delicious. And that is a crazy lady. So now you pretty much know what I do. Pretty dang exciting, huh?”

82. “Uh, Ramses. I was wondering if the children could have a signature or a picture or something?”

83. “I have given up wrestling.”

84. “I ate some bugs. I ate some grass. I used my hands to wipe my tears.”

85. “How come you have not been baptized?” 

86. “Tonight, I felt something deeper inside me that I never felt before!”

87. “I smell cookies.”

88. “Look. Go away! Read some books.” 

89. “I went to a wrestling match. Lucha Libre.”

90. “I need to borrow some sweatssss.”


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