4. “I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”
5. “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anybody else to feel like that.”
6. “Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it ‘all the money’ but they changed it to alimony.”
7. “You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.”
8. “No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.”
9. “Seize the day. Because, believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing.”
10. “Death is nature’s way of saying, “Your table is ready.”
11. “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.”
12. “You must strive to find your own voice because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all.”
13. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
14. “”Never say goodbye because means going away, and going away means forgetting.””
15. “Cricket is basically on valium.”
16. “Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, “Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.”
17. “I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.”
18. “You’re not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn’t perfect either. But the question is whether or not you’re perfect for each other. That’s the whole deal. That’s what intimacy is all about.”
19. “Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
20. “In England, if you commit a crime, the police don’t have a gun and you don’t have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say “Stop, or I’ll say stop again.”
21. “We don’t read and write poetry because it’s . We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
22. “Please, don’t worry so much. Because in the end none of us have very long on this earth. Life is fleeting. And if you’re ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky.”
23. “If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.”
24. “Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t cope with drugs.”
25. “You are a big country. You are the kindest country in the world. You are like a really nice apartment over a meth lab.”
26. “We’ve had cloning in the South for years. It’s called .”
27. “When I was growing up they used to say, “Robin, drugs can kill you.” Now that I’m 58 my doctor’s telling me, “Robin, you need drugs to live.” I realise now that my doctor is also a dealer…”
28. “Even mistakes can be wonderful.”
29. “Crying never helped anybody do anything, okay? You have a problem you face it like a man.”
30. “A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.”
31. “When you have a great audience, you can just keep going and finding new things.”
32. “Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that’s going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.”
33. “Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.”
34. “On stage you’re free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you’d be arrested.”
35. “What’s right is what’s left if you do everything else wrong.”
36. “There are no rules. Just follow your heart.”
37. “The idea of having a steady job is appealing.”
38. “There’s no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.”
39. “Good people end up in Hell because they can’t forgive themselves.”
40. “Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never notice that this is a beautiful as it gets.”
41. “I want to do a movie, but it has to be the right movie, whether it’s independent or a studio movie. I’m much more open to being a supporting actor. At the age of 60, I’ll be second fiddle. Fine. I’m happy to do it.”
42. “I’m a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.”
43. “Time is the best teacher, unfortunately, it kills all of its students.”
44. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so … look at the platypus.”
45. “Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.”
46. “Boys, you must strive to find your own voice, because the longer you wait to begin the less likely you are to find it at all.”
47. “I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.”
48. “As an alcoholic, you will violate your standards quicker than you can lower them.”
49. “You know what music is? God’s little reminder that there’s something else besides us in this universe; harmonic connection between all living beings, every where, even the stars.”
50. “What’s my credibility? Why are they looking to me for advice? Isn’t there someone more qualified?”
51. “You’re still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude.”
52. “Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It’s called fun.”
53. “But if there’s love, dear. those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.”
54. “I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born.”
55. “Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.”
56. “I was only a leading man for a minute; now I’m a character actor.”
57. “Don’t associate yourself with toxic people. It’s better to be alone and love yourself than surrounded by people that make you hate yourself.”
58. “You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you’ll win, no matter what the outcome.”
59. “I loved school, maybe too much, really. I was summa cum laude in high school. I was driven that way.”
60. “Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.”
61. “My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.”
62. “I love kids, but they are a tough audience.”
63. “I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish.”
64. “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.”
65. “To be free. Such a thing would be greater than all the and all the treasures in all the world.”
66. “Being a famous print journalist is like being the best-dressed woman on radio.”
67. “Change is not popular; we are creatures of habit as human beings. “I want it to be the way it was.” But if you continue the way it was there will be no “is.”
68. “Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.”
69. “There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.”
70. “If heaven exists, to know that there’s laughs, that would be a great thing.”
71. “There’s three things in this world that you need: Respect for all kinds of life, a nice bowel movement on a regular basis, and a navy blazer.”
72. “The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.”