Start reading here.
1. “Look at her, I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.” – Gomez
2. “I didn’t hate my mother, it was an accident.” – Gomez
3. Pugsley: “Are they dead?”
Wednesday: “Does it matter?”
4. “And our credo: ‘Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc.’ We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Not just pretty words.” – Morticia
5. Morticia: “Wednesday’s at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.”
Ellen: “Boys?”
Wednesday: “Homicide.”
6. “How long has it been since we’ve waltzed?” – Gomez
7. “Don’t be a . I know what I’m doing.” – Wednesday
8. “This is my costume. I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everybody else.” – Wednesday
9. “What? Come on, Old Man, I’ve smoked since I was five. Mother insisted.” – Gomez
10. “Gomez, last night, you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again.” – Morticia
11. “It’s so sweet. He looks just like a little entrée.” – Morticia
12. “Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation. Everyone knows that.” – Wednesday
13. “It is getting dark in this little heart of mine.” – Wednesday
14. “I am not in a bad mood, this is just me.” – Wednesday
15. “Don’t torture yourself, Gomez. That’s my job.” – Morticia
16. Wednesday: “Pass the salt.”
Morticia: “And what do we say?”
Wednesday: “Now!”
17. “The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill.” – Dr Pinderschloss
18. “Pugsley, sit in the chair, so we can play a game.” – Wednesday
19. “Oh, my little bundle, so much you don’t understand.” – Dr Pinderschloss
20. “Thing, you’re a handful.” – Morticia
21. “Sweet Oblivion, open your arms!” – Wednesday
22. “Spirits above me, give me a sign. Shall I be joyous, or shall I be damned?” – Gomez
23. “Smell that air, Fester, like a tomb.” – Gomez
24. “I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” – Wednesday
25. “A day alone, only that would be death.” – Morticia
26. “Pugsley, the baby weighs ten pounds, the cannonball weighs twenty pounds. Which will hit the stone wall first?” – Wednesday
27. “How I wish something would lighten up this already tedious day.” – Wednesday
28. “An open grave—it was my first funeral.” – Morticia
29. “Normal is an illusion. What’s normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” – Morticia
30. “You were so beautiful—pale and mysterious. No one even looked at the corpse.” – Gomez
31. “When we first met years ago, it was an evening much like this—magic in the air.” – Morticia
32. “To live without you, only that would be torture.” – Gomez
33. “I’m blinded by such beauty.” – Gomez
34. “You bewitched me.” – Gomez
35. “You are too precious for words, why could I just eat you alive!” – Margaret
36. “When we are together, darling, every night is Halloween.” – Gomez
37. “I loved her not for the way she danced with my angels, but for the way the sound of her name could silence my demons.” – Gomez
38. “Woo her, admire her, make her feel like she is the most sublime creature on earth.” – Gomez
39. “You are the only in the garden of my life.” – Gomez
40. “Right and wrong, who’s to say which we should refuse? All we know, love survives either way we choose. Where, you ask, do we go when the world’s not right? You and I, we reply, someplace out of sight.” – Gomez
41. “It would be beguiling to be on the moon with you, Cara mia. Especially if we landed on the dark side.” – Gomez
42. “We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.” – Gomez
43. “Oh, Gomez. It’s dark, it’s depressing, it’s desolate.” – Morticia
44. “So, you still desire me after all these years? The old ball and chain?” – Morticia
45. “I’m just like any modern woman trying to have it all—a loving husband, a family. It’s just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.” – Morticia
46. “About the séance tonight, I wish you’d come. It’s Gomez I’m terribly worried about. He won’t eat, he can’t sleep, he keeps coughing up blood.” – Morticia
47. “I hope that someday you’ll know the indescribable joy of having children and of paying someone else to raise them.” – Gomez
48. “My love, it’s game night. Wednesday will be home soon, so why don’t you come and join us?” – Gomez
49. “Think of it, Thing. For twenty-five years we have attempted to contact Fester in the great beyond, and for twenty-five years, nothing. I’m beginning to think my brother truly is lost.” – Gomez
50. “When you are an Addams, you need to really love your wife!” – Gomez
51. “We don’t hug.” – Wednesday
52. “When you have a new baby, one of the other children has to die.” – Wednesday
53. “It’s all about Uncle Fester, isn’t it?” – Wednesday
54. Pugsley: “We’re not shy.”
Wednesday: “We’re contagious.”
55. “Living under this roof is all the torment you’ll need. Besides, have made it clear that the only way to be accepted in this family is to be exactly like them. I can’t play by those rules anymore.” – Wednesday
56. “No one torments my family but me.” – Wednesday
57. “Fan out. Pugsley, head for the dung heap. Mama and Morticia, the shallow graves. I’ll take the abyss. Lurch, check out the bottomless pit. Fester?” – Gomez
58. “They’re not your family, I am. They don’t love you, I do. They’re evil, and corrupt, and degraded. I can give you that!” – Abigail Craven
59. “Marvelous news. I’m going to have a baby. Right now.” – Morticia
60. “Wednesday’s great-aunt Calpurnia, she was burned as a in 1706. They said she danced naked in the town square and enslaved the minister. But don’t worry. We’ve told Wednesday—college first.” – Morticia
61. “I am a turkey. Kill me.” – Pugsley
62. “You will meet someone, someone very special, someone who won’t press charges.” – Gomez
63. Dr Pinder-Schloss: “But then, you are feeling the little black monster.”
Gomez: “Pugsley?”
Dr. Pinder-Schloss: “Guilt.”
64. “Hello Polly, I’ll clean my room in exchange for your immortal soul.” – Wednesday
65. Morticia: “Children, this is Miss Jellinsky, our new nanny. What do we say?”
Wednesday: “Be afraid. Be very afraid.”
66. “What’s so great about being yourself, when you can be like everyone else?” – Wednesday
67. Parker: “My must’ve built hidden cameras into everybody’s homes.”
Wednesday: “I believe the word is ‘psychotic’.”
68. Parker: “You don’t have a cellphone? That is so weird.”
Wednesday: “I may not have a cellphone, but you don’t have a crossbow, and I thought everybody did.”
69. “You might find a nice girl to be miserable with.” – Wednesday
70. “Hush, Mama! It’s for charity! Widows and orphans—we need more of them.” – Morticia
71. “This is all so humiliating. Why did I marry you?” – Margaret
72. “Sorry about the window, Judge. Keep the ball, I have a whole bucket full.” – Gomez
73. “Wednesday, look at all of the other children, their freckles, their bright little eyes, their eager, friendly smiles. Help them.” – Morticia
74. “Sometimes, late at night, I remember how Debbie used to turn to me and say, ‘Jesus, Fester, go back to your room!’” – Fester
75. Uncle Fester: “Haven’t you ever slaughtered anyone?”
Wednesday: “He’s only a child.”
Uncle Fester: “No excuse! Aim for a major artery. the jugular.”
76. “Children, look, Great-Aunt Lavinia! She was beheaded by her own children!” – Uncle Fester
77. “So I killed, so I maimed, so I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren’t I a human being? Don’t I yearn, and ache, and shop? Don’t I deserve love and jewelry?” – Debbie Jellinsky
78. “You have enslaved him. You have placed Fester under some strange sexual spell. I respect that. But please, may we see him?” – Morticia
79. “At his request, I would rip out my eyes. At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.” – Gomez
80. “How all occasions do inform against me and spur my dull revenge. O, from this time forth, my thoughts are bloody or nothing worth it. If I must strike you dead, I will.” – Wednesday
81. “I’m going to electrocute him.” – Wednesday
82. “It has to warm up. So it can kill you.” – Wednesday
83. Wednesday: “If I wanted to kill my husband, I’d do it, and I wouldn’t get caught.”
Joel Glicker: “How?”
Wednesday: “I’d scare him to death.”
84. “Remember, Bethany. I’m not locked here with you, you’re locked in here with me.” – Wednesday
85. “I think that woman is deranged. Her face reminds me of a death mask.” – Wednesday
86. “They never tell us anything interesting, like how many heads they chopped off in the French revolution.” – Wednesday
87. “You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie, Pastels?” – Morticia
88. “Salt, pepper, or cyanide?” – Morticia
89. Girl Scout: “I’ll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies.
Wednesday: “Are they made from real Girl Scouts?”
90. “Even with a chainsaw.” – Grandmama
91. “A-ha! Showtime!” – Gomez
92. “I am not perky.” – Wednesday
93. “I hate everything.” – Wednesday
94. “Woe to the Republic.” – Wednesday
95. “You’ve done this before.” – Morticia
96. “I knew it! You are a fake!” – Wednesday
97. “You severely underestimate my apathy.” – Wednesday
98. “I don’t want to be in the pageant.” – Wednesday
99. Morticia: “It’s hideous!”
Gomez: “It’s horrible!”
Gomez and Morticia: “It’s home!”
100. “It was just a party. It’s over. It means nothing.” – Uncle Fester
101. “It is called, ‘Is There a God?’” – Wednesday
102. “Gary, she’s changing the words.” – Amanda
103. “And for all these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.” – Wednesday
104. “This day is becoming most wonderfully disruptive.” – Wednesday
105. “Ah. Now, I understand. It’s a children’s prison.” – Wednesday
106. Amanda Buckman: “I’ll be the victim.”
Wednesday: “All your life.”
107. “Wednesday, play with your food.” – Morticia
108. “Look at Mr. Addams. He’s always developing outside interests.” – Morticia
109. “And that all you need in this life of sin is your significant other and some spooky pumpkins.” – Morticia
110. “Right now, I have the most enviable collection of coroner’s reports in the neighborhood.” – Gomez
111. “Mm! Morticia, you have to try these coffee grounds. They have a wonderful grit!” – Gomez
112. “Oh, villain, villain, smiling damn villain.” – Wednesday
113. “Flora, Fauna, how can I compete? You’re twice the woman I am.” – Morticia
114. “Two, ten, eleven. Eyes, fingers, toes!” – Gomez
115. “They say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. Well, with God as my witness, I am that fool!” – Gomez
116. “Dear Santa, we just wanted you to know that even though Mr. Thompson says that there was no such thing as Santa Claus, we didn’t believe him. So please come or else it will make us look like dummies.” – Wednesday
117. “You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now, my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the roadsides. You will play golf and enjoy warm hors d’oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, ‘Do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.'” – Wednesday
118. “This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester’s getting married.” – Wednesday
119. Joel: “What if you found the right man, who worshipped and adored you, who’d do anything for you, who’d be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?”
Wednesday: “I’d pity him.”
120. “Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?” – Gomez
121. “Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion’s hostage. I seek justice—denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil!” – Gomez
122. “Now, if you will observe, my dear, croquet is a combination of two things: balance, timing, peripheral vision, superb coordination, and a killer’s instinct.” – Gomez
123. “‘How do you take it off?’ That’s absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his 10th birthday! He wore that finger trap for two years! Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet!” – Gomez
124. “Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.” – Wednesday
125. Joel: “I’ll never forget you.”
Wednesday: “You won’t?”
Joel: “You’re too weird.”
126. “There must be something. We never go anywhere. Who knows the untold horrors we’re missing out on.” – Wednesday
127. Wednesday: “Farewell, brother Pugsley. Tomorrow, you’ll become a man, and I’ll be a fugitive. Farewell, Pugsley.”
Pugsley: “I always kind of knew it’d end like this, I just didn’t think it would be this soon.”
128. “So, you claim that your was brainwashed by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recruit others? Let’s take a call.” – Sally Jessy Raphael
129. “So I’ll have to prove my power!” – Wednesday
