100 The Sopranos Quotes on Family, Depression, and More

2. “Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” – Tony Soprano

3. “We’re soldiers. Soldiers don’t go to hell. It’s war. Soldiers kill other soldiers. We’re in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you’ve got to do certain things. It’s business.” – Tony Soprano

4. “I don’t care how close you are. In the end, your friends are gonna let you down. Family. They’re the only ones you can depend on.” – Tony Soprano

5. “Those who want respect, give respect.” – Tony Soprano

6. “Someday soon, you’re gonna have families of your own and if you’re lucky, you’ll remember the little moments like this, that were good.” – Tony Soprano

7. “Death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.” – A.J. Soprano

8. “It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.” – Tony Soprano

9. “All due respect, you got no f*ck*ng idea what it’s like to be number one. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other f*ck*ng thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end, you’re completely alone with it all.” – Tony Soprano

10. “I like people who don’t need everyone to like them.” – Tony Soprano

11. “You got any idea what my life would be worth if certain people found out I checked into a laughing academy?” – Tony Soprano

12. “Other people’s definitions of you, sometimes they’re more about making themselves feel better. You gotta define yourself.” – Christopher Moltisanti

13. “Well, when you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce.” – Tony Soprano

14. “You steer the ship the best way you know. Sometimes it’s smooth. Sometimes you hit the rocks. In the meantime, you find your pleasures where you can.” – Junior Soprano 

15. “People only see what you allow them to see.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

16. “Genetic predispositions are only that—predispositions. It’s not a destiny written in stone. People have choices.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

17. “You’re only religious when it suits you.” – Tony Soprano

18. “Cancer doesn’t respect nothing.” – Tony Soprano

19. “In my thoughts, I used a technique of positive visualization. How come I always feel undermined?” – Christopher Moltisanti

20. “Daughters are better at taking care of their mothers than sons.” – Livia Soprano

21. “Don’t ever say you hate life. That’s blasphemy.” – Jason Cahill

22. “A wrong decision is better than indecision.” – Tony Soprano

23. “Sometimes we’re all hypocrites.” – Meadow Soprano

24. “If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.” – Tony Soprano

25. “There’s no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.” – Christopher Moltisanti

26. “‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.” – Tony Soprano

27. “You know when I was depressed I said I didn’t want to live? Well, I’ll tell you something—I didn’t want to die.” – Tony Soprano

28. “Hope comes in many forms.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

29. “Psychology doesn’t address the soul—that’s something else—but, this is a start.” – Carmela Soprano

30. “Some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they’re leading.” – Junior Soprano

31. “They’re the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep trying to get back on the bus, instead of just letting it go.” – Tony Soprano

32. “How can you trust a guy who can literally go f*ck themselves?” – Paulie Gualtieri

33. “There’s an old Italian saying—you f*ck up once, you lose two teeth.” – Tony Soprano

34. “Pours you a drink with one hand. Judges you with the other if you take it.” – Christopher Moltisanti

35. “Sometimes it’s important to give people the illusion of being in control.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

36. “Buy land, ‘cause God ain’t making any more of it.” – Tony Soprano

37. “The state can crush the individual. And if we can have our rights trampled like that, imagine what it’s like for recent arrivals.” – Meadow Soprano

38. “My father was in it. My was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself.” – Tony Soprano

39. Dr. Jennifer Melfii: “Some people take pleasure in the simple doing of things.”

Tony Soprano: “The things I take pleasure in, I can’t do.”

40. “Well, I didn’t marry a cartoon character.” – Carmela Soprano

41. “You’re only as good as your last envelope.” – Silvio Dante

42. “You know, Tony, it’s a multiple-choice thing with you. ‘Cause I can’t tell if you’re old-fashioned, you’re paranoid, or just a f*ck*ng *ssh*l*.” – Carmela Soprano

43. “I am living in the moral Never Never Land with this patient. Not wanting to judge but to treat. But now I’ve judged. I took a position, goddamnit, and I am scared.” – Dr. Jennifer Melfi

44. “My father told me to never get old. I should have listened to him.” – Junior Soprano

45. “I wish the Lord would take me now.” – Livia Soprano

46. “You heard about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn’t understand.” – Junior Soprano

47. “You should try tomato sauce for your *ss. It’s the Italian version.” – Tony Soprano

48. “I like the one that says some pulp.” – Tony Soprano

49. “She’s so fat, she goes campin’, the bears have to hide their food.” – Paulie Gualtieri

50. “I’m like King Midas in reverse here. Everything I touch turns to sh*t.” – Tony Soprano

51. “Log off. That ‘cookies’ sh*t makes me nervous.” – Tony Soprano

52. “They say every day’s a gift, but why does it have to be a pair of socks?” – Tony Soprano

53. “A grown man made a wager. He lost. He made another one. He lost again. End of story.” – Tony Soprano

54. Dr. Jennifer Melfi: “What line of work are you in?”

Tony Soprano: “Waste management consultant.”

55. “Oh, look at that! It’s like an ad for a weight loss center. Before, and way before!” – Paulie Gualtieri

56. “What the hell would we have in common? Bunions? You know how I feel about feet.” – Junior Soprano

57. Tony Soprano: “I think it’s time for you to start to seriously consider salads.”

Bobby Baccilieri: “What do you mean?”

Tony Soprano: “What do I mean? I mean get off my car before you flip it over.”

58. “Janice, how do you open this Eee-Advil? Oh, nevah mind.” – Livia Soprano

59. Livia Soprano: “It’s not easy being abandoned, is it?”

Junior Soprano: “Look to yourself.”

60. “There’s nothing more useless than a loaded gun.” – Tony Soprano

61. “Hi, my name is J.T., I’m an alcoholic and an addict. I’m also a TV writer, which by default makes me a douchebag.” – J.T. Dolan

62. Carmela Soprano: “What if something should happen?”

Tony Soprano: “You dig out my blue suit, you call up old man Coletti, and tell him not to put too much makeup on my face.”

63. “Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. Some things are just a matter of duty.” – Junior Soprano

64. “For every 20 wrongs a child does, ignore 19.” – Janice Soprano

65. “You ever feel like nothin’ good was ever gonna happen to you?” – Christopher Moltisanti

66. “Is this a woman thing? You ask me how I’m feeling. I tell you how I’m feeling, and now you’re going to torture me with it.” – Tony Soprano

67. “I won’t pay. I know too much about extortion.” – Tony Soprano

68. “Only if I’m picked up and brought back home. I don’t drive when they’re predicting rain.” – Livia Soprano

69. “He’s gonna leave the house. On a piece of plywood if necessary, but he’s gonna leave the house.” – Tony Soprano

70. “Nostradamus and Notre Dame. It’s two different things completely.” – Tony Soprano

71. “Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman Sampler?” – Tony Soprano

72. “You’re not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator.” – Paulie Gualtieri

73. “It’s almost time for turkey sandwiches!” – Tony Soprano

74. “I find I have to be the sad clown. Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.” – Tony Soprano

75. “We buried him—on a hill—overlooking a river—with pine cones all around.” – Tony Soprano

76. “ Dad, are you mafia?” – Meadow Soprano

77. “What happened to Gary Cooper, the strong silent type.” – Tony Soprano

78. “What constitutes a fidget?” – Tony Soprano

79. “You bottomed out.” – Tony Soprano

80. “The was part of that generation who grew up during the Depression. But the Depression to her was like a trip to Six Flags.” – Tony Soprano

81. “Bad for the grass! Bad for the grass!” – Tony Soprano

82. “I went ahead and ordered some for the table.” – Tony Soprano

83. “When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected cards.” – Junior Soprano

84. “To think. When I got out of the joint, I thought an airbag was Paulie Walnuts.” – Tony Blundetto

85. “What kind of person can I be, where his own mother wants him dead?” – Tony Soprano

86. “Wonderful. I don’t go down enough.” – Junior Soprano

87. “In fact, the expiration date was last week on all your bullshit with that.” – Tony Soprano

88. “Now, get the f*ck*ng outta here before I shoved that quotation book up your fat f*ck*ng *ss!” – Tony Soprano

89. “Hey, I don’t even let anyone wag their finger in my face.” – Tony Soprano

90. “Take your hat off.” – Tony Soprano

91. “Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was no one there.” – Christopher Moltisanti

92. “It’s an idea, I don’t know. Who knows where it f*ck*ng came from? Isaac Newton invented gravity because some *ssh*l* hit him with an apple.” – Christopher Moltisanti

93. “You’re looking good. Looking better.” – Tony Soprano

94. “He Marvin Gayed his own . The boss of the family.” – Vito

95. “You know, there’s this Russian woman. She told me something that’s very true. She said, only here, in America, do we expect to be happy.” – Tony Soprano

96. “I just never pictured Meadow with someone like him.” – Carmela Soprano

97. “From beyond the grave, even. This is a woman who didn’t want a funeral. You all, her children, you ignored her wishes! Only after she’s dead, by the way. She didn’t want a funeral. She didn’t want a remembrance of any kind. Why? She didn’t think anybody would come! She wouldn’t write down her memories for her because she figured nobody loved her enough to read them! She knew there was a problem.” – Carmela Soprano

98. “The fundamental question is, will I be as effective as a boss like my dad was? And I will be, even more so? But until I am, it’s going to be hard to verify that I think I’ll be more effective.” – Little Carmine Lupertazzi

99. “This is such a crock of sh*t.” – Carmela Soprano